taiwaneseoboe

<我的偶像>

2010-02-17T05:53:00.000-08:00

記得我曾經有篇零分的作文
題目就是<我的偶像>
第一句話我就寫 "我沒有偶像"
然後一整篇我都在解釋為何我沒有偶像
被老師評"文不對題"

當時還蠻難過的,也很不服氣
沒有偶像就是零分嗎?有偶像才正常就對了...

我很堅持作文內不說謊(除非一開始題目就說明是寫故事)
可能就是我的怪脾氣吧,不願譁眾取寵,作大家認為"對"的事
我就是要作我認為對的事

當時老師有找我去約談,我也沒有跟老師爭論什麼
老師就先鼓勵我的論點明確,文筆通順,可是文不對題,這是作文的大忌
就叫我一定要選一個偶像,想不到的話也可以寫爸爸,媽媽...

我當時一直點頭道"對,對..."
心裡一直說"我愛他們,可是我不崇拜他們呀.他們的作為我常常不認同呀,老師真的很奇怪"
不過當我覺得沒有必要,我是不直接挑戰權威的

偶像的定義就是崇拜
對我來說,崇拜是很嚴謹的一件事
絕對不是演唱會的時候對著台上的 '偶像' 大喊"我永遠愛你!"
也不是拼命追看 '偶像' 的所有電影,影集
這種崇拜如細雪般的短暫與美麗
降臨到了冷靜的地面後就蒸發地無影無蹤

我承認我很喜歡看吳宇森的作品
我承認我很喜歡聽很多王傑,江惠,王力宏,周杰倫,張惠妹的歌
我承認我很喜歡宮崎駿的動畫還有久石讓的音樂
我承認我很喜歡莫內的畫還有幾米的圖
但是我真的沒有偶像
可能又是我的自大在作祟,崇拜對我來說,很困難

我可以崇拜一件事,一個作品
但是很難崇拜一個人吧

Rain: Day

2010-02-06T02:55:00.000-08:00

今天下大雨,診所一個人都沒有,很閒
隨手拿了一本江漢聲寫的醫學歷史來看
卻怎麼也看不下去

千萬不是因為書寫得不好(內容真的很有趣很豐富)
是因為我中了情花毒

我真的好久好久沒有思念一個人到這種程度
甜蜜與痛苦的交雜,在胸口起的化學反應
已經近乎震撼的境界

記得小時候我父母因為忙不過來
只好將我送到台中的外公外婆家半年
那度日如年的等待,使我不得不尋找舒發管道
我將時間投入在撲克牌與積木

將撲克牌撒落一地然後記憶每一張的位置
以不同方式疊積木,研究如何架構上層積木數量比下層多的方案
思念真的得以減輕
(難怪楊過要修練獨孤劍法)
(神雕俠侶我真的百看不厭)

不過最後回到父母身邊時,我媽曾經懷疑我有自閉症XD

長大了,戀愛了,失戀了
都是更高一層的思念
親情是天經地義的
愛情卻是一廂情願

尤其是失戀那一段
我可以感受到靈魂的一部分隨著愛情的蒸發而被褫奪
痛到一種不敢去碰的境界
每到節日(生日,情人節,聖誕節 etc.)我都一定要去跑,非得跑到徹底精疲力竭,方得罷修
還養了狗,叫他一些戀愛才會用的名字(寶貝,鼻鼻),否則驟然間我丧失了用這些名詞的所有權力
那種失落足以令我日久發瘋

直到現在,我才敢去咀嚼當時的感受,過濾成文字

回到戀愛
當見不到她時
那種甜蜜參雜痛苦的獨特配方
真的使簡訊的價值非金錢所能衡量
手機的電話費永遠值得
小別遠遠勝新歡

雨還是很大
不過簡訊收到了!
雖然有點擔心,不過我有信心她一定會做到不令我擔心

Rain: wish

2010-02-03T20:03:00.000-08:00

聖經:創世紀九:8-17
我與你們立約,凡是血肉的,不再被洪水滅絕,也不再有洪水毀壞地了.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
因此有了彩虹,象徵一個承諾與雨後天晴的希望

相愛有如櫻花,絢爛奪目,不過是完美曇花一現的一瞬間
相處有如松樹,四季常青,不過卻少了激情與澎湃

獨立的兩者,無先後順序之分,更無規則可循,但是絕對可以相輔相成

很多人常常問自己,問他人,問朋友,問愛人~到底嚮往那一種模式?
我卻不以為然
也許是我這雙向思考雙子座的自大與狂妄
我堅信我可以兩者兼顧

縱使在情場受過傷,流過淚
我對愛情的憧憬與評價絲毫不減,絕對沒有任何失望或改觀
我依然相信緣分與一見鍾情
我依然相信相處後日久生情

修了兩年的戀愛學分
學到的真的就是leap of faith
When we fall in love, we leap forward into unknown terrain
hoping and believing that we can fly
If we don't, we fall, all the way down into a bottomless pit
Wondering all the way down, why the hell did we jump?
Only your true soulmate can make you fly and glide through thin air

愛情的挫折,摔的真的很痛
不過我也學到了只要用心,細心,盡心地投入
一路走來可能會有遺憾但是絕對不會後悔
我能做到的也只能這麼多
世事皆是如此

期待雨後天晴的彩虹
以及松樹開櫻花的那一天

When spiderman drinks coffee

2008-06-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

樂生－－Taiwan's bleeding historical heritage

2007-06-16T04:09:00.000-07:00

日據時代，蔡阿福是一位剛從醫學院畢業的醫生。在台北開了一家自己的診所。他親切又誠懇的態度贏得了大家的信任，造福了無數百姓。有一天一位手掌潰爛的病人突然來找阿福看診。阿福醫生以他一貫的溫和態度對待這位不速之客。從清洗到消毒到包扎，照顧的無微不至。就在病人准備离開阿福的診所時，一團日軍突如其來的衡入阿福的診所，如拘捕通緝要犯一般將阿福與病人抓起來，并且強行押上了停在外面的大卡車。大卡車載著一個大籠子，里頭站滿了人，包括阿福。阿福不停地對外面的日軍求饒、呼喚，但他有如狗吠火車一般，日軍視若無睹。接著日軍開始對籠子里的人噴洒酒精，進行消毒。籠子里的人痛苦的呼喊救命，但在圍觀的人卻袖手旁觀。日軍們不斷的向圍觀的路人訓導麻風病的可怕，并且要求大眾別靠近籠子。阿福與籠子里其他的人就這般不明不白地被送入了一所療養院。

到了療養院，阿福一群人被命下車。首先被剝光了衣服，接著就像赶鴨子一樣被赶小了一個水池。水池位于療養院的入口，里面盛滿了濃濃的酒精。從酒精池出來之后，阿福一伙人算是療養院的永久居民了，永不得踏出療養院一步。大家被分配到房間里。一間僅僅六坪的小房間，竟然可以濟到高達二十多人。大家就在這不見天日的環境里度過了漫長的歲月。有些人還夢想重返家園的那一天到來，但沒有一個人的愿望實現。

日子一天天過去了，有些意志不堅的人甚至上吊自殺了。惡劣的居住環境導致衛生條件差，傳染病猖獗。再過一些時候，自殺的人持續攀升，病逝的人也居高不下。

1945年，日軍撤退，國民党執政。許多人興高采烈新的執政党，一位現況會有所改變。沒想到國民党延續了日據時代的政策，持續緝拿疑似患有麻風病的人進療養院。同一年的某一天，听說從美國引進了一种新藥，大家爭先恐后的吃藥，劑量沒有控制，導致服用的人副作用奇大，痛不欲生。此時自殺人數達到高峰。尸首都被送到山坡上的納骨塔焚化。因此，納骨塔延綿不斷的冒出濃濃的黑煙。

直到近年來，療養院的人們終于重獲自由。同時，日本對于當時剝削麻風病人人權的政策作出正式的道歉。終于，在某种程度上還了療養院的院民一個公道。不過，迫害已經造成，一切的道歉補償，都是亡羊補牢，于事無補。院民在封閉的療養院里居住了超過半世紀，人世已變，他們原本的家園早已不知去向，失去了根，唯一僅有的就是療養院跟一同在療養院中受苦受難的院民們。
平靜的過了几年，沒想到院民們的惡夢還沒結束。台北為了蓋劫運璣場而計划拆除療養院，所有院民強制搬遷离開。院民們僅剩的家園又要被摧毀了。

以上是我看完了樂生療養院的紀錄片所构思出來的一個假想故事。當然，故事中的療養院就是樂生療養院。日據時代麻風病人被認為是國恥，因而被視為重刑犯一般被判入療養院服刑無期徒刑。可怜的院民們被嚴重剝奪了一次權力，沒想到今天又要被劫運局再次剝奪居住在樂生院的權力。
我認為樂生院不是一個工程的議題，而是一個人該怎麼被對待的議題，一個文化資產該怎麼被對待的議題。工程會目前的方案只有交通的問題被解決，樂生院民續住、生活、醫療的需求尚未納入考量，對施工期間院民續住的空間、對外聯通的動線、生活及醫療資源目前沒有任何規劃，對於樂生院未來作為一個人權森林文化園區該如何供一般民眾使用,包括園區整體景觀風貌與進出動線,也並無任何規劃。施工的工程會居心不良，可從以下几點看出。
工程會曾經提出的「保留40 棟方案」，存在許多問題。工程會將王字型建築裡的車庫、倉庫、茶水間、醫療辦公室、總務室、值班室、患者物品發放室、輔導室都算成獨立的一棟，卻拆除了王字型建築第一棟、中山堂、貞德舍、七星舍、竹雅舍、喜一舍、老市場、納骨塔、惠生一舍、惠生二舍、院長室、天主堂等多棟重要的院舍。可見，工程會習慣以欺騙的手法迫害台灣文物資產。
況且，貞德舍、七星舍、竹雅舍、喜一舍目前還有十幾人居住在此，若要拆除，必須將居住在這些院舍的院民搬遷，而至少住有六七人的大屯舍屆時因位於邊坡10公尺內，應會被要求搬遷，其他院舍施工期間院民對外聯絡的方式、生活及醫療資源如何維繫目前尚未規劃。由此可見施工單位并未將居民的福利列入考量。
更為重要的，樂生院在文化資產上的價值在於其封閉、完整的園區與院民與經營的生活空間，以見證痲瘋病人所遭受的歧視與對待，該方案在工程會機械式的思維下將樂生院零碎切割，拆除了樂生院的入口與王字型建築第一棟，並將院區靠近桃園的一大半切除，完全破壞樂生院的整體景觀，不但嚴重影響樂生院的歷史及文化價值，也阻斷院民生活所需的動線。再者，該方案完工後樂生院將懸在幾十公尺高的擋土牆上，成為危樓，工程會跟本未考量樂生院將來作為一個人權森林文化園區，一般民眾該如何進入。
盡管許多專家學者提出替代案，可以更加保育附近的水土，并且根本不需要拆除樂生療養院的任何一部分，但是工程會就是屢勸不听。工程會重來就不肯正面回應种种的替代方案，只不斷用“技術上有困難”草草帶過。這使我不禁對于工程會的立場有些怀疑。我認為工程會蓋設劫運這項龐大的計划已有多年，其中牽涉的糾紛、迫害，不計其數。有太多人因工程會的一句話強制搬遷。若這回劫運的工程竟然為了一個十几個人居住的樂生院更改計划，工程會以往的工程將會盡數遭到不同層面的質疑，這會使工程會吃不消。工程會對于此事如此頑固不化，應該就是怕自己長久以來建立的地位受到如此劇烈的動搖。他們一定要盡全力保有專家的形象，万事都沒算錯。
除了工程會以外，台灣社會也讓我很失望。樂生療養院代表了麻風病人人遭迫害的歷史古蹟，是如此珍貴的文化資產，竟然有台灣民眾支持拆掉樂生療養院。可見文化觀念在這些台灣人的心中完全沒有落實。古蹟與一般建筑物的分別，在于其价值和歷史背景。若大家的心目中有那么一點點認知，樂生療養院應該受到全人民的保護。
工程會竟然利用了這些缺乏文化修養的民眾興風作浪，鼓勵民眾出來街頭抗議，要求樂生療養院盡快被拆除。工程會有義務澄清，劫運的通行與樂生療養院的存在完全不衝突。但是有關人士卻坐視不管，任由此事火上加油。
很遺憾的，古蹟法條至今仍未通過，導致樂生療養院無法順理成章的被封為古蹟，避免工程會繼續覬覦這塊土地。這實在讓我感到痛心疾首。台灣文化資產正在流血，上面的決策者為何沒感覺？人民票選的立委對我們這塊土地究竟有沒有最基本的認同？太多的官商勾結，導致這件很單純的事變得复雜。這個社會是需要我們大家的關心。我們有了愛心，才有可能過樂生活。

史模怀斯說:"wash your hands"

2007-06-16T04:07:00.000-07:00

很意外的，史模怀斯令我联想到中国近代文学的代表人物――鲁迅．他们两位的人生历炼看起来截然不同，但是我却将他们视为抛物线上的两端．
鲁迅先生本来选择了医学这条道路，但一张幻灯片促使他弃医投文．幻灯片是一位中国男子被一群洋人围剿的照片．照片的中的男子空有一身强壮的体魄，但却被洋人捆绑起来，任由宰割．这场景令当年还是位医学生的鲁迅非常感慨，认为中国人即使有健康的身体，但活得没有尊严，如此苟且偷安，中国人的生命一点价值也没有．因此鲁迅决定放弃手术刀，改为从文，以笔代替刀企图治好社会的心病，改变大众的思想．
很有趣的，史模怀斯与鲁迅的遭遇恰好相反．本来在维也纳大学就读法律系的史模怀斯，在一次偶然的机会旁听了贝瑞斯的病理演讲后，激发了他对医学的兴趣．此后史模怀斯才决意转系到医学院，开始了他医学的生涯．可见这两位伟人对与生命的价值观有所不同，但所追求的理想却是可以相提并论的．
史模怀斯充满着活力与热忱踏上了学医的旅程，在学生时代广所好评，人缘也不错．不过他的人生之旅却越走越坎坷，犹如陷入了泥沼，一直到晚年都无法翻身．发现产褥热的真相，似乎是史模怀斯的诅咒，命中注定无法将产褥热的正确观念公睹于世，使大家接受．许多作者习惯将史模怀斯形容为在医学发展史上被牺牲的悲剧人物，不过努兰却认为史模怀斯要为自己的失败负上最大的责任．
我認為史模怀斯缺乏從善如流技巧的确值得批辦，這無庸置疑的是他無法將自己正确的理念發揚光大的一大絆腳石。然而，當時的大環境仍然應該被視為洗手觀念被壓抑的最大敵人。若像書里頭的說法，把史模怀斯形容為一位將自己困入狹隘陰暗角落的醫生，一位臨陣脫逃的懦弱者，甚至是一位自己放棄為自己理想奮斗的失敗者，未免太苛刻了。
史模怀斯以細膩的觀察，發現了產褥熱長久以來不為人知的秘密。原來醫生與學生解剖完因產褥熱死亡的尸体后，若再為婦女接生，該婦女會得產褥熱得机率必然會大幅度地提高。這應該已經是個因果關系緊緊相連，很明顯且不可爭辯的事實，不過當時的杏壇卻极度的排斥此觀點。史模怀斯在1847年看破了這個關鍵，若醫界肯欣然接受這個說法，甚至不盡然接受但抱著“無神論”的態度配合實施史模怀斯宣導的洗手動作，不知有多少無辜生命可以杜絕成為產褥熱的犧牲品。
以書中的歷史考据，當時的杏壇并不是不懂史模怀斯的看法，而是不論如何不原意接受他的理論。原因很簡單，當時的醫生若認同了史模怀斯的“隱形有机粒子”論點，是藉由醫生的手在接生婦女的時候大肆傳染，這就等于承認了自己是殺人凶手的罪行。當時大部分的醫生們無法接受這個殘酷的可能性。若這是事實，他們將無法原諒自己。那時的人宁可永遠活在“乳汁轉移”以及“沼气”的种种學說里頭，也不愿考慮任何其他可能性，就此希望自己永遠沉浸在理想的夢境中，因為醒過來的現實太殘酷了。
這讓我覺得當時的醫界很幼稚，非常的不成熟。為何無法以“不知者無罪”的心態原諒自己呢？坦然面對真相，慷慨原諒自己的過時，才是正确積极的做人態度。若選擇“眼不見為淨”的方法隱瞞事實讓心里比較好過，是猙獰的心態。當時的杏壇，很可悲的沒看清這點，不知道“知錯不改”才是罪大惡极的行為。
書中把史模怀斯的慘痛失敗怪罪到他頭上，我認為是极為不公平的。醫生的手是傳播產褥熱的媒介在史模怀斯的整理下變得如此顯而易見，當時的杏壇攻擊他的說法才是真正的不應該。真如一個人潛在水里太久就會溺水死亡，因果關系如此明顯，要求對溺水者做徹底的解剖研究，找出肺部進水會致死的原因，真是吹毛求疵，無謂的質疑。
不過話說回來，要打破一個龐大迂腐的傳統窠臼，本來就不是一件容易的事。唯有堅強的理論說明，以及不可動搖的試驗證明，才有望推翻奠基已久的舊思想。書中有提到史模怀斯的好友一直鼓勵他做試驗鞏固他的說法，不過史模怀斯一再的拒絕。我認為史模怀斯不是不肯做試驗，而是不知道如何著手做試驗。當時的動物試驗技術仍然在啟蒙階段，史模怀斯從來沒有接受過有關的訓練。對一個因為環境因數缺乏做試驗思維的人來說，要求他憑空設計出一套證明產褥熱是藉由“隱形有机粒子”傳染的試驗，實在是有點強人所難。再者，雙親逝世的打擊，以及被產褥熱奪命的人接踵而來，使得史模怀斯過于迫切地想要遏止這場無窮無盡的惡夢，可能導致他從來就沒有停下腳步來安靜的思索他的下一步棋應該如何走。因此書中指責史模怀斯“不愿意做試驗”未免有些苛刻，畢竟有許多兩百年前的盲點是我們無法以現代的眼光理解的。
我唯一能說的，是史模怀斯“沒有那個肚子卻吃了瀉藥”。他挑起了如此艱巨的醫界苦戰，卻沒有适當的手腕與技巧克服重重困難。史模怀斯過人的洞悉能力以及對醫學的熱忱，已經很值得我們敬仰。他的過失都是可以原諒的，也應該被后人諒解，不應該如書中般抱怨他种种不足的地方。史模怀斯名留醫學青史，當之無愧。
了解了史模怀斯一部份的生平，使我意猶未盡，想收集更多關于這個傳奇人物的資料。一個有弱點的偉人，使這個角色更加顯明，并且有立体感。我很想知道史模怀斯除了醫學以外是否有其他的興趣。我認為只要他有慢下腳步來去爬爬山，運動一下，對于身遭四周的一切將會有所改觀。對于堅持自己理想的方法會改變，也可以反省一下自己的處境，從四面楚歌的狀況得到解脫。看著史模怀斯悲壯的背影，更加認證了醫生們除了醫學以外一定還要有其他的消遣活動。
當史模怀斯步入晚年，精神狀態每況愈下，活力漸漸凋零，脾气暴躁，最終被送入精神病院虐待而死。一位原本應該成為醫學界巨人，占有舉足輕重地位的人物，最終的下場竟然如此卑微，使我不禁感到無限的惋惜。史模怀斯的尸体還很諷刺地被推上以前他解剖尸体的手術台，被解剖，并且結果推斷書還描述史模怀斯是因為手指頭被划傷造成感染而死。這一切都與史模怀斯身前所執行的程序一模一樣，讓人深刻体驗到因果循環的真實性。讀歷史，就是要避免我們犯下同樣的錯誤，吸取古人教訓，從中改進。若一切都是一樣的循環，沒有進步的蹟象，那活了一生還真是枉然。有一句話是怎么說的：“人人都難逃一死，但究竟有誰真正活過。”史模怀斯奉獻了一生想傳達一個后來才被确實證明是正确無誤的理念，卻在有生之年四處碰壁，郁郁寡歡。盡管如此，他的事蹟將永遠流傳與后人的心目中。史模怀斯碰倒的困難以及行為上的疏失也共我們大家參考。可見，他已經是個不死的精神，只會因后人的冷漠而凋零。

GQ男人在發燒

2007-05-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

本文章根據一般男生從出生到當兵所會遭遇的經歷，探討男人是如何在這個社會大環境中被訓練出一腦袋先入為主的性幻想及強烈的男權意識．打從出生，護士首要做的任務就是判別新生嬰兒的性別．而判別方法是檢查有無小機機．由此可見，從生命的起源，男性被列為為主動，女性則為被動．接著，有小機機的人就可以享有無小機機的人不可挑戰的特權．譬如站著尿尿，尿尿比賽，阿魯巴，在床上扮演主動腳色．男人間對於男性性器官的話題永無休止，而且還沾沾自喜．除了比長短，還比耐久．把軍隊的Ｓ腰帶那來比喻西方與東方男人的性器就是軍隊中流傳黃色笑話．男人把自己的性器當作最崇高的尊嚴，我們常用的稱讚詞都與男性器有關就是最好的證明，如棒和屌．並且很把女性性器官貶為最齷齪的用語．由此可見，重男輕女的社會價值關已經根深蒂固，有許許多多我們日常生活中的舉止以及社會的種種規範，已然被大家習慣性的接受，變成天經地義的真理，很少受到質疑，更不容許受到挑戰．男性為自己打造出來的威風形象，就一定要建立在束縛女性的立場上嗎？上帝當初創造了亞當和夏娃，在男性跟女性之間種下了明顯的差異，就在兩性之間施展了永遠不協調的詛咒嗎？
過去有一段時期男女平等的話題吵得沸沸揚揚，但過了一陣子後就冷淡了下來．也許是因為掌有主權的男性打壓此話題．不過我認為男女平等是不可能的．從體育方面來看好了．女性在爭取了好幾年後，奧運會才逐漸開放女性項目．不過男女體育競賽項目還是分開的．若要講求男女平等的話不是應該男女混合一起比嗎？所以我們在此講求的平等並非整體上的平等（Equality），而是個體上的平等（Equity）．正如一個男性的健美選手我們說很帥，但一個女性健美選手我們就說很噁心，就是不應該的行為．一個女性若選擇健美這條路，我們也應該給予相當上的肯定．這才是我們在討論的平等．
翻開文章閱讀了第一頁就震撼了我心．裏頭提到的是男生女生為何要穿內褲的笑話．文章引用了此笑話，以詼諧的語調，帶出社會對於男性是主動的，帶有侵略性的觀念有了先入為主的刻板印象．男生的小鳥會去找女生，女生的套子難道就不能反客為主嗎？這個例子第一次看起來有道理，不過想一下子後卻覺得牽強．因為，好象真的沒看過男人被女人強暴的消息．以生理層面探討這問題，男人不想要性交的時候是無法強迫的．女生好象很難扮演強暴的角色．不過，從另一個角度看，若女生以催眠，下藥的手段，達成強暴男生的目的，男生為了保全自己的尊嚴，也不會四處哎嚎被強暴了．反而很有可能四處宣揚自己賺到了．
以上的論點也可以從男女發生性關係後所要承擔的責任差距得到相同的結果．若以每個動物都想盡可能散播自身基因而言，男女對於性的要求應該不相上下．不過，男人從來就不需要忍受懷胎九個月的責任以及困擾，因而對與性方面的要求就比女人主動．況且男人隨時就可以輕輕鬆松製造上萬個精子，比起女人一個月只能好不容易排卵一次的生理機能，差距頗大．因此男人在性方面的主動是先天因素造成的，而非男性刻意打造出的社會地位．
有許許多多男女平等話題都因為生理上的因素而喪失了焦點．女性的脂肪體比男性多一倍，加上荷耳蒙作祟，女性在體能上本來就不太可能超越男性，這是不可爭的事實．因此男性理所當然擔當了保護女性，站有領導主權的地位．不過女性也應該發揚她們細心溫柔的長處．男人強迫當兵，女人應該作社區志工服務，照顧病患．我們正在探討的話題，是男女之間的不均，而我們要如何衡量先天的條件，和後天的養成．由於先天的條件不同，我們給男女的寄望也不同．不過男女若做了選擇，不願意遵循刻板的寄望，社會也不應該打壓．接下來要探討社會打壓女性的種種證明，這一切都應該糾正．
男性器是讚美而女性器是唾駡，就是男性為了鞏固自己男權主義而演變至今的語言．讚美詞通常是美好，漂亮，享受事物的聯想．唾駡詞則是噁心，醜陋事物的聯想．男人把自己的性器官變成讚美的用語，就是要美化其部分，醜化女性性器官．說實在的，男性性器官真的有比女性性器好看很多嗎？還是男性自認為進行性行為時男性屬於享受，女性屬於被侵略，因此男性性器官佔優勢，所以是比較好的東西．
以上這點又應驗在台大宿舍放Ａ片的狀況．為何日本的Ａ片比歐美的Ａ片較吸引台大的學生呢？理由很明確的是因為日本Ａ片中的女性都處於強暴或半強暴的狀態下任由男性擺示，而歐美Ａ片的女性通常處於主動的地位．男性為自己營造的優勢假像，在這些日常生活中的點點滴滴不斷反復的被提醒．
還有最明顯的例子就是現代男性最流行的遊戲――阿魯巴．這個遊戲如病毒一般冒了出來，在男性之間無中生有，遊戲的起源無從追溯．我本身認為這遊戲有點荒謬怪異，但大家在玩阿魯巴的時候，你若不參與，反而變成了遍差行為．這遊戲的目的宗旨就是要整一整一位中心人物．這個人可以是壽星，剛交到女朋友，書卷，反正就是在一反面比一般人突出，就阿．這是一重慶祝的方式，發洩嫉妒心的手法，這算是顯性的正功能．被阿的人也在無形中被強制套上了要配合的面具．要很歡樂但帶有一點恐懼，要抵抗被阿但不能抵抗的太徹底，最終就要在不太想被阿的情況下被阿．男性間自定的規則，男性就要遵守．阿魯巴能凝聚男性的感情，這是隱性的正功能．
男性做許許多多的事，企圖將女性排擠在外，以鞏固男性的地位．這並沒有什麼不可以，我並不認為男性就應該發明女性也能參與的遊戲，因為我相信女性之間也有她們獨有的遊戲．我並不認為這些小遊戲會造成男女之間的分化．我們所要追求的未來，是一群女性若突然聚在一起玩起阿魯巴，男性們不應該覺得自己地位受到威脅，而應該很歡迎女性們勇於嘗試男性世界中的事物．

International friendship week 2007 (4/9 ~ 4/12)

2007-05-06T16:39:00.001-07:00

The ninth of April 2007 marks the beginning of foreigner student week. However, I would like to call it international friendship week. The highlighted event that had been brought forth by we foreign students were the various foreign delights which originated from where we came from. Who can ever say no to food?
We have with us students from many parts of Asia such as Malaysia, Myanmar, Indonesia, Philippines, Macau and Singapore. And even from across the Pacific Ocean such as Canada and United States of America. This interesting warp of students establishes quite a mini-international gathering here in the concise rolling oasis of Chang Gung University. Most of us chose a special type of food, which best represents the place we came from, to share with our dear Taiwan friends in Chang Gung University.
Malaysians chose to sell the popular fried cheese roll and the crunchy prawn biscuits. Canadians made the water-mouthing French toast which was really saturated with fresh milk. Americans meticulously prepared triangular sandwich with special jam spread in between. There were many other exciting delights sold, however, now that foreign student week is over, it makes no sense listing all the food out here one by one on paper. Paper cannot be eaten, words cannot be tasted. It will only make those people who missed out feel worse. However, do not despair, there is always next year. We’ll be back with more food prepared for you!
The main purpose of this event is to reinforce the idea of cultural exchange. Living in the fast-spinning world with exploding knowledge and ever-changing information, no one should ever be content with the limited improvements and achievements they can attain within the capsule of ones country. It is important to gain international grounds in order to grasp a wider and more complete scope of whatever one’s chosen field of interest may be. This is the only way to remain in the cutting edge in this era of extensive globalisation. It cannot be stressed any bit more that establishing international bonds and making friends overseas are important. International friendship week provided a light-hearted stage where we foreign students presented ourselves in front of the whole school through a fun-filled manner – food! However, the profound issue which lies behind stayed dormant, waiting to be explored.
Before this piece of article gets too preachy, I would like to thank the school for allowing us to hold such a meaningful event. Most importantly, I would like to send out my most sincere gratitude to you students who kindly supported the event by generously purchasing the food and bravely trying them out. Have I mentioned that I forgot to wash my hands before preparing the food? =P

我看啦啦隊

2007-05-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

當我被邀稿的時候，唯一接到的指示就是“寫一篇關於啦啦隊的文章”。這讓我有點迷惘，並不是因為沒有東西寫，而是不知道寫什麼內容比較適宜登入系刊內。若是形容編舞的過程，靈感的來源，嚴重碰到瓶頸時但因為隊友慷慨幫忙而問題得以迎刃而解，召集人馬的經歷，大家在百忙之中期中考之餘依然通力合作來練舞，表演時的高潮，最終得到創意獎的喜悅與感動，我倒是可以侃侃而談，把其中的酸甜苦辣呈現在系刊之中。不過我覺得這種文章內容不是啦啦隊的人不會感興趣，是啦啦隊的人看過之後得以回味當時練舞和表演的感受一陣子，這種文章的價值僅止於此。因此我決定不寫啦啦隊中發生的事，而寫發生在啦啦隊四周的事。
這次學校辦的啦啦隊比賽，算是別開生面首次嘗試的校慶節目，對於一向保守的長庚來講可說是一項難得的創舉。不過辦這活動手法卻有些缺陷，體現出學校背後仍然是雄厚台塑贊助的事實。為了讓活動成功而免於淪落無人問津的窘態，就以體育成績加分、免路跑、甚至最誇張的頒發現金獎金以吸引大學生參加。這導致這項原本非常有意義的活動慘遭某種程度上的變質。我覺得體育成績加分是合理的，畢竟練舞是需要頗多的時間和精神，不過免路跑就不太合理了。路跑的原意是要提倡大家共同運動的精神，在營造一個健康校園風氣同時大家又可以在校慶有個共同美好的回憶。若跳啦啦隊的人不跑了，整個路跑活動的理想簡直瓦解。我很瞭解校方的考量以及對學生們的善意，是希望跳啦啦隊的人有充分時間準備，並且希望舞者別操勞過度，在操場上跳舞時有最佳的表現。不過路跑跟啦啦隊是完全不衝突的，有太多解決方案。若路跑一定要早上跑當開幕典禮，免得中午太熱不適宜運動，啦啦隊表演挪到傍晚當閉幕典禮，就是個很好的解決方案之一。再者，啦啦隊的群眾參與度以及娛樂效果也遠比大隊接力好太多了。路跑和啦啦隊是可以並存的！（好像在談樂生跟捷運）最後是離譜的獎金，我想就無需贅言了。我們又不是專業舞者，是學生在參與校園活動，談什麼獎金？
不過話說回來，校園風氣會演變至今，要負最大責任的依然是我們學生自己本身。現今的社會已經步入嚴重功利主義的階段。若校方沒有以以上的種種方法誘惑學生參加，這項活動的成功率真的會很有限。當副班代最初在我班徵求同學參加啦啦隊的時候，人數一直徘徊在十出頭。結果當參加啦啦隊的人體育成績可以加分，又免路跑的消息傳開時，人數立即倍增。我親耳聽到班上有人大聲在討論：“我現在正在認真考慮要不要參加啦啦隊．因為跳啦啦隊不用路跑！”校方的政策，是為學生而設，因學生而變。學生的思想功利，校方政策也功利。功利的種種可怕弊端，我就不再一一贅述。其實我雖然不喜歡功利主義，但並不排斥此現象。大家可能為了免路跑、尋找歡樂、想要表現、與同學合作或種種不同原因而參加啦啦隊，這都沒關係，最終大家有心站在同一線上練舞跳啦啦隊，我就覺得非常難得而感動了。
不過這份熱忱若真的完全建立在功利主義上，所帶來可怕的後遺症在這次４／２１的校慶就全然裸露出來。大家又被邀請再度演出時整體上來講意願都不高。這個事實充分證明了我們已經陷入功利主義有多深。記得我ＰＯ版徵求大家歸隊的時候總共只有四個人願意，包括我在內。有人怕麻煩；有人怕太累；有人怕練不好；有人說學校當初沒有給我們前三名（意思是學校已經沒給我們肯定，我們為何還予不成比例的肯定，吃力不討好）；當然有人真的有其他重要的事，分身乏術。我完全可以理解以上的種種想法，它們全部都沒有錯，都很正確，也很正面。接下來學務長親自到班上來懇求的時候，事情才有起色。這證明我們已經不再單純，思想已經被功利主義綁死了。大家覺得這次演出對自己沒什麼收穫，沒什麼意義，純粹幫學校一個忙，我們無須這般賣力，還是推掉來得一乾二淨。畢竟還有更為重要的事等著去處理（如：白袍加身，音樂之夜）。大家已經全然無法走單純開朗的思路：就是校方在校慶時提供我們表演的舞臺，我們就上去ＨＩＧＨ一下。這不才是跳啦啦隊的本意？參加一切活動應該抱有的心態嗎？本意在於熱忱，收穫在於歡樂。
現今社會中毒已深，對病人非常有益但健保不給付的醫療程式醫院是不允許你作的。將來我們這群學醫領域中的新血，就要任由這種離譜的事實繼續蔓延嗎？如果我們依然為了免路跑而參加啦啦隊，有學分而加入社區服務，有分數而讀書，有報告而查資料，我們將永遠困在功利的泥沼。再強調一次我並不排斥功利主義，畢竟這是以很符合人性的方法使社會運作。不過大家的進步會很有限，精神層次也永遠無法突破瓶頸。這尤其對醫學生來說是要不得的。學校不應該鼓勵功利主義風氣，我們學生更不應該跌入功利主義的旋渦。

Marriage test

2007-01-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

This is another interesting test given out by my teacher. I'm not sure why am I in such a blogging spree regarding trivial tests. Hmmmm... must be the side-effect of Campbell. I've mugged 6 chapters for 18 hours straight. That's 3 hours per chapter on average. Ok... the marriage test:

Question: Imagine you're a taxi driver. The sign at the top of your car reads "vacant" in yellow colour. When a passenger gets in your car, the sign will change to "occupied". What colour will that "occupied" be?

A. white
B. orange
C. red
D. green

Pick the colour which comes to your mind.

[ok...some random pictures again. Below is taken during my band concert.]

[above is my chinese teacher. These tests are provided by her.]

Elaboration of test:
A. white
White is a very outstanding colour. You want your marriage to be the best, making people around you jealous or admire your happy marriage. You will work hard to make such wonderful marriage happen, however, your husband/wife may become pressurised by your prefectionism.

B. orange
Orange is the colour closest to yellow. You want your post-marriage life to be the same as pre-marriage life. You desire a strong sense of security. Marriage will not change you, however, your conservative nature may lead to a still marriage.

C. red
Red is to signal STOP. You become lethargic and lazy after marriage. You find marriage to be so comfortable that you go to a state of complete rest. Marriage will give you a strong sense of belonging, however, do put in some efforts sometimes.

D. green
Green is the most gentle colour. You'll be extra nice to your husband/wife after marriage. You treasure your life-partner to the fullest extent. However, being too nice may lead to a boring marriage. Inducing surprises at appropriate times are important as well.

Ok... going to drink Campbell soup again.

How do you choose your partner?

2007-01-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

Recently, my teacher gave my class the test below regarding how you'd choose your soulmate. I find it very true. Shall share it with all of you =)

Question: When you go on a countryside vocation, what would you look for?

1. Calm snow
2. Breath-taking mountains
3. Smooth rivers
4. Steady trains
5. Beautiful flowers

Arrange your preferance from favourite to least favourite.
[I included some random pictures of my school compound below for fun =)]

[Cheerleading group shot!]

Elaboration of test:

1.Calm snow:

Snow is a cool, meaningless subject which draws out your inner thoughts and emotions. Thus, you look at the inner beauty of your potential partners.

2.Breath-taking mountains

Mountains have defined curvatures and pronounced outlines. Thus, you take note of your potential partners' bodies.

3.Smooth rivers

Water is a source of intuition. It flows from somewhere to somewhere but it does not tell you its origin and destination. Thus, you believe in fate. You believe there's love-at-first-sight.

4.Steady train

You take into consideration your partners' sex ability. (I don't think further elaboration is required.)

5.Beautiful flowers

Flowers are stunningly pretty in a straight-forward, fragile manner. Thus, you emphasize on external beauties.

So true...

End-of-term

2007-01-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm in the midst of end-of-term now. Blogging to unwind. After deliberating reports and exams on two sides of a balance, I've concluded the latter is much more enjoyable. Mugging feels good in its own way =)

I discovered that Taiwan students do eleventh hour mugging as well, maybe more than Singapore students do. Remembering the incredible dispropotional jump in grades RJC gets to experiences whenever A level is nearing (referred to as A-level miracle), I see the parallel in Taiwan's education system. Looks like globalisation has got the better of everything we know. Everywhere is the same now.

My roommates are DOTA-ing now, which adds to the point of globalisation. The boarding school is like a mega lan shop. Can you imagine that? However, we have Chinese DOTA here! Haha...quite funny. It's no longer "Sentinel and Scourge" but "楚國and魏國". There are added environmental issues as well, besides day and night. There're foggy times where you can't see far and rainy days when you can't move fast. Most interesting of all, there's a "food rationing centre", you destroy that and the creeps(in this case, army) will starve, weakening their attack forces greatly. However, I still prefer the original DOTA, straight-forward and simple. But I haven't touched it for half a year =(

Posted pictures of cheerleading competition which was held quite some time ago (25th Nov 2006). We came in a remarkable 5th! Still searching for the video to post on youtube. You'll be able to see some resemblence from certain RJC batch dance =) Will update about it soon.

Meanwhile, back to the book! "Para-para!"
"Square formation"
"half-a-V" (it's alright if you don't get it =P)

当医生...

2007-01-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

上了一学期的人文医学讲座,就要写心得报告,于是就顺便把报告内容贴进BLOG,缓和一下BLOG被冷漠的可悲状况.很感谢亲爱的曉儒帮我编辑排版,实在万分感谢!我太爱妳了=)文章内容如下:

醫師醫的是病人，不是病毒．幫助病人最好的辦法，不盡然是趕走他們體內的病原，因為病人需要的往往不是一包藥，而是一個心靈的寄託。醫生擺出專業的招牌，就是供給病人浮躁內心的棲身之所．所以醫生要作的是關心病人，而不是一味關心病情．
倘若醫生高傲地擺出不可一世的架勢，身心受創的病人不但感受不到病情有妥善地受到最佳處置，反而覺得這世界在他（她）最需要幫助的時候冷漠了他。當一個人感到身體不舒服，心理上一定更難過，尋求醫生的幫助表示他已斷絕了其他來自熟悉環境援助得救的希望，因而才會轉向一位原本根本不認識的人，把身體毫不保留地豁出去供他人處理。那麼，病人已經在絕望之餘勇敢的踏出了信任醫生的一大步，醫生怎可敷衍了事？又怎忍心敷衍了事呢？

瞭解病情，是一種方法；瞭解病人，更是一種心態。

我很小的時候就認識到只要靠著一顆同理心，就可以很有成效地解除病人的痛苦．不過我卻是經過較為另類的途徑認知到這個道理的。我是從我家對面的密醫看到此現象，那家密醫掛著「鑽牙補齒」的招牌，為病人看牙齒，有些病人捧著臃腫的半邊臉頰走進診所，然後捧著同樣的臉頰走出去，下次竟然捧著兩邊腫的臉走進診所，出來時臉部還綁了濕濕的冰敷，這種情形可以連續好幾個月。我對那密醫的醫術當然不敢恭維，但這不是重點，重點是：病人每次痛苦的神情，在進出診所之後就有一百八十度大轉變的氣色，儘管病情毫無進展或成效不彰，病人就是很信任這位密醫，毫無怨言地複診。我就是如此深刻地見識到了醫病關係的重要性，病人走進診所裏尋找的有時候真的不是一位能對症下藥的名醫，而是一位能抒發情感的朋友。不過，那時縱然只有五歲的我，當然也清楚地瞭解如此的行醫方法有很大的瑕疵與缺陷．

我以上的親身體會，在賴其萬醫師的講座裏也找到了奇妙的共鳴。賴醫師每年為患有癲癇（epilepsy）的小朋友們辦夏令營，某特殊的一年小朋友們可以帶一位親人或朋友參加夏令營，結果有一位沒患病的小孩在夏令營結束的時候在賴醫師的耳邊說：「真希望我也患癲癇！」這些小孩生活困苦，平時感受不到人間的溫暖，但在夏令營中有人跟他交朋友，有人陪他玩遊戲，好不快樂．因此他真的不介意患癲癇。縱然他和癲癇患者日夜相處，很瞭解癲癇的痛苦，但是如果得癲癇換來的是每年都有參加夏令營的資格，那麼那一點點肉體上的痛楚真的不算什麼；換句話說，癲癇所帶來的可怕痛苦若能換來一年一次的人間暖意，那一切都是值得的，癲癇的病痛根本不算什麼，大多數病人要的，往往就只是感受那麼一絲的人間溫暖。
治病是治標，治病人是治本．（to cure some, to relieve often, to comfort always）心靈的安撫，才是真才實學的行醫途徑，能對病人受苦產生敏感性，就可以得到病人的信任，行醫的路程，早已經成功了一大半，對症下藥，只不過是完成醫療手續最重要的最後一環、臨門一腳，達到畫龍點睛的效果。然而，經由我個人的觀察，臺灣的醫療體系，已經在全民健保下慘遭變質。

我在醫師作家，侯文詠的小說中看到一則 “笑話＂，很令人不可置信的是一個臺灣醫界中的現象：有一對老夫老婦天天來醫院看病．從耳鼻喉科看到眼科看到皮膚科看到骨科看到小兒科．．．看到醫院每位工作人員都認識他們了。有一天老公公沒來，侯醫師於是好奇地上前問阿嬤：「［台語］今天妳盎那ㄟ沒來？」老婆婆無奈的答道：「［台語］伊生病所以在家休息。」
病人在臺灣的健保制度下漸漸被寵壞了，看病不再是尋求援助，而是不負責任的「逛診所」（doctor-shopping）。不負責任的醫師應該遭到社會的嚴厲的譴責。不過，如果四周都是不負責任的病人，那可要另當別論了。不負責任的病人要的只是濫用醫療體系，全然沒有把自己當病人，也沒有把醫師當成朋友。他們仗著醫療服務病人的主旨，濫用一堆他們不應得的權利。有些醫師睜一隻眼閉一隻眼，敷衍這些人的要求，反正可以向健保局申請經費，何嘗不樂，如此作法自然非常差勁；有些醫師無法違背良心，勸導這些不負責任的病人，反而遭到病人的抗議。臺灣的醫師在當醫師的同時，如果忽略了教大眾如何當病人，那麼這醫療社會還是不平衡的，醫療體系也得不到眾所冀望的進步。
我覺得教導大眾如何當病人這個擔子也該理所當然地落到醫師們的肩上，因為我們讀的書畢竟比一般人多，這是醫師們最大的優點，也是最大的弱點。（An attitude of intellectual pride is a common weakness in doctors. ~ Dr. David Landsborough IV）灌輸臺灣大眾正確的醫病觀念將是當醫生的一大挑戰，這算是我這學期上完人醫講座後最大的感觸。病人從醫生應得的全面照顧，是在病人懂得愛護以及尊重自己的前提下，才有效。倘若醫師一味在診所中進修，提高自己的醫療水準，等著各式各樣的病人接踵而來，待以實施自己閉門造車的全面照顧病人方法，效果其實很差．碰到水準若低劣的病人，儘管有再好的醫師，醫病效果也化為零．醫師應該踏出診療所，開導民眾，有效的提高社會整體醫療水平．
病人可以選擇醫師，醫師無法選擇病人．病人有的權力，是醫師的責任。我一直認為醫師需要病人才會有所成長，但病人是不需要醫生也會自己改變的。若你把醫生當賺錢的職業，那是你的誤解，因為醫生不像發明家，可以一意孤行的進行自己的研究工作，大賣專利；若你把醫生當穩定的職業，那是你的可悲，因為醫生生涯的變數太多了；若你不把醫生當職業，而當研究人類的途徑，那恭喜你，因為你在醫學錯綜複雜的道路上已經啟程了．．．．．．

电脑、网络、我

2006-09-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

现代的人与电脑、网络，都保有着密不可分的关系，我也不例外。随着电脑的普及，网络的开放，直接地打开了一扇崭新的门路，通往一处没有边疆的空间。网络会如此风行并非偶然。它有将好几百间图书馆资讯浓缩到一张桌子上如此神通广大的能力。不仅如此，新研发出的知识若要等到在书或杂志中出现，尚要几个礼拜的时间。跟刊登在网络上几个小时便能完毕的手续相比，实在是麻烦太多了。网络方便的程度，可从它受到大众如此热烈的欢迎略见一斑。

不过世界上任何事物只要没有受到任何适度的制约和控制，就注定严重裸露出它的种种弊端。网络以脱缰野马、一发不可收拾的惊人速度日益发展，犹如可怕的癌细胞无时无刻地蔓延，直到它变成庞然硕大的怪物。天真无邪的小孩很可能出于好奇心，从网络上接触到不适宜的内容。另外，也有许多人利用网络犯罪。然而，最近我在长庚听说了一套另类的理论，就是网络是无辜的，错是错在人类自己。就如有人拿枪为非作歹，难道是找枪算账吗？

把有关网络的人为恶习放在一边，我仍然坚持网络本身就是有害，荼毒生灵的一个工具。回忆一下几年前当邮递依然是普遍通讯方式的年代，信函内容的文字与表达方式是如此的谦卑有礼、有条不紊、文采并茂呀！现在我们用惯了电子邮递，哪有昔日那些风貌可言呢？什么“特此致函”、“静候佳音”这类古板用词早已被抛到九霄云外去了。取而代之的是“XD”、“Orz”这一类新新用语。每次想到此处都不禁令我心痛—— 一切的华文精髓，含蓄用语全部被人类追求迅速、快捷、简便的欲望给抹杀掉了。现代的人大概很难再体会古人推敲的精神，以及文句的刻骨珍贵。有些人可能会狡辩说这应该被视为语言的进化，是人类向有效沟通方法迈进的过程。这让我非常地不敢恭维。

不过我们已踏上这条日新月异的科技不归路，木已成舟，为时晚矣，要回头难如登天。为了跟上时代的脉搏与脚步，不得已只有入乡随俗，与时并进。不依赖电脑网络一定会落伍，惨遭被时代淘汰的厄运。

我们能做的只剩下等待停电的那一天，大家才恍然原来自己是多么空虚寂寞。。。

Hall

2006-09-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

In order to make up for the wordy chinese essay I've posted, I decided to present some pictures!!! I'll keep this short and straight to the point because I just had medical checkup -- 2 test tubes of blood were drawn from my vein.

This is my hall. It is located on a hill. It is new with less then a month's history. We moved in 15 days after the comstruction is "completed".

What's the difference between hall, hostel, boarding school? I still can't tell them apart. Hope someone will enlighten me someday. Soon.

On a hill on top of the hill, is the med building where my lessons are held. The two buildings are 100m apart, horizontally and vertically. I've to climb a 235-steps staircase to get to class.

Moving into my 14 storey hall. Feels like a hotel.

A loong walkway to my dorm.

4 people to one dorm. One of my potential roommates decided not to come. So it's 3 people in my room. So much space. To space out.

Every room has a private toilet. Aren't you convinced it's a hotel?

My table. Brand new.

We have a balcony as well. Forgot to rotate the pic above 90 degrees anti-clockwise.

I'll post other parts of my school next time, espically the 235-steps staircase. Feeling light-headed, night!

Holiday assignment

2006-09-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

The looooong chinese essay below is my summer holiday assignment XD

WE ACTUALLY HAVE HOMEWORK BEFORE SCHOOL ACTUALLY STARTED XD

However, I pretty much enjoyed the process. Must be because it is in chinese =)

If you can't be bothered to read, don't be bothered.

<医师不是天使>讀後心得

2006-09-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

“因为我不相信，任何人会不同意能活着多好“It is nice to be alive!”这一句话”

这是黄昆严教授对于器官移植持有的观念。我本身就非常不同意这句话。套一句老掉牙的话：生命在好不在长。更何况，我们只能控制生命的宽度，而无法改变生命的长度，何必以[半途医学] 死命地把灵魂困在一具臭皮囊之中呢？

我本身对于器官移植一直含有保留的态度。对于黄教授如此向往这项[半途医学] 的观念很不以为然。人不像车子，不能够随便执行“换胎”手术的。先把器官移植手术会带来的副作用、失败率放在一边，我认为需要把全然不属于一具身体的器官硬塞给这具身体就是不理智、不道德的行为。我不信任何宗教信仰，只不过这项[半途医学]总是让我觉得无理取闹。居然都已经公认为一项[半途] 的技术，为何还要推广呢？难道我们该提倡半途而废的精神吗？

生命的可贵，并不是在丧失生命时才能证明的。生命的可贵，是在活得精彩、充实、有意义当儿被体现出来的。只不过，还是一句老话：人总是要到失去的时候才懂得珍惜。

我以为每一位即将步上学医这道特殊又专业的旅程之前都应该已经透彻了解这个道理了。否则医师根本不是在解救人间苦难，而是不择手段地持续一个垂死之人的呼吸，把医院变成人间炼狱。我并不是在提倡安乐死，只是认为医师应该懂得划清界限，怎么区别‘尽力医’和‘乱医’。医师在急诊室中能做的真的很有限，但正是因为如此，医师不应该为了寻求突破而抓狂，依赖[半途医学]以设法解除自己的无力感。

我在添选大学志愿时有一度很想将牙医系摆在第一的位置。原因很简单，因为牙医不像其他医科，天天必须面对死神摄人的面龙。在急诊室中望着病人的心跳停止而无法复苏时，那种力不从心的失落感是无需亲生体会便能深刻了解的。每次当我在人生的旅途中目睹这类悲痛的插曲，都难免反问自己世间痛苦存在的意义，以及上帝的旨意。为何要叫人受苦？如果当了医生，又必须常常反问自己这个问题，我怕我负荷不来。

但是我最终想通了。

人生变化无常，一切的悲欢离散，是每一个人都应该学习接受面对的。我记得很小很小的时候，当我刚会走路的时候，我的母亲就因为内出血住院。当时连说话都有问题的我，根本不了解父亲脸上的表情是何等焦虑。我天真得望着医院里穿白衣的人士紧凑的来来往往，殊不知人命就在这些脚步和呼吸间在鬼门关前面徘徊。我也被紧张的气氛压迫的鸦雀无声。

医院的一切直到我看第一部电影时还历历在目。电影是徐克导演的《倩女幽魂2》。电影的最后有位主角因为无奈修为不足，魂无法回体，飘至西天，魂飞魄散。接着下一句台词是：“他走了。”那时我不到5岁，但我深刻体会到什么叫做‘死’。你永远永远无法根一个死去的人相处、说话、欢笑、哭泣、分享人生中的喜怒哀乐。这不禁使我问起几年前母亲住院的状况，我才打从心底捏了一把冷汗。

“别走。别去我无法跟你去的地方。”这是《魔戒三部曲：王者在临》电影的一句对白。是山姆误以为佛洛多被毒蜘蛛蜇死的时候说的。谈生死真的如此沉重吗？从我懂得死有什么寓意后我就不断深思此问题。起初是很害怕，不知道没有了我身边的任何一个人，我该怎么面对。

不知道你有没有怀疑过，电影为什么总要给垂死的人有机会说最后几句话，才容许他撒手而归。这种老掉牙的情节其实说明了一件事——人生的遗憾不在于离别，而是在于未完成的事。如果每一个人都以赤诚的心态待人，离别时就不会再悲痛了。因为该说的、该做的，都已圆满完成，所以已经不需要死命抓住再相处的机会。病床的生离死别，其实和在机场送机，或在车站挥手道别没有两样。只要已和身边的人充实相处，能不能再有机会相聚又何足为惧？

真如黄昆严教授所提到的《卖车记》和他尊敬的《苏森墉老师》。人生是一股感觉、一阵亲切感。转手的车子，即使被换过漆、改过轮子，但你看到车牌，联想到发生在车子上的事物，感觉就是不一样。黄教授才会有有感而发，把过快乐的一天与多用一天的车子混为一谈。

得了巴金森病的苏森墉老师，笔记虽然与昔日有别，但在黄教授眼中老师字背后的灵魂依然清晰可见，使他百感交加。懂得生命可贵的黄教授，竟然会支持器官移植，令我有点错愕。

当医师的前提，真的就是真确地认知生命的可贵。

Belonging

2006-09-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Very busy. That's all I can say. Don't wish to bore anyone with my to-do list.

Things will get much better after 18th Sep, I guarantee myself. When all the applications and dusts settle, and life is back to lectures, tutorials and bball, I'll be much better.

Had an orientation lunch recently and met with many of my university senoirs and batch-mates. I find myself unusually talkative. It's like I've switched from a "supportive" personality to an "influential" personality. I owe this to the Taiwan culture. I find that all these years, I couldn't relate myself to English very much, that's way I can't express myself fully. While in Taiwan, when everything is in Chinese, I just kept on talking.

Ever tried dropping Mentos tablets into Diet Coke? That's how I felt. As a result, I made friends very easily. The sense of belonging is actively triggering an unexplored force in me.

Many of my friends are going overseas. They fear the new life they'd have to establish and cultural shock they would definitely encounter. The reverse is happening to me. All these years I've been foreign to everything around me, now I'm home.

However, I really really miss all my friends, whom I've forged heart-felt memories. Can't wait for the next Summer break.

7-11

2006-08-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

This entry is dedicated to all those people in Taiwan or been to Taiwan or are going to Taiwan.

There are so many 7-11 stores in Taiwan that you can actually see one 7-11 store from another. Then you wonder whether you are looking into a mirror which is outside the store. You take a closer look and discover otherwise.

Many people think this is a hyperbole or an exaggerated description. However, this is plain flat fact, seriously. Some people actually walked out of a 7-11 store in Taiwan and realise they forgot to buy something. They don't turn back at all. All they have to do is keep on walking and, sure enough, another store is ready for service within a minute.

Most people in USA can't picture such scenario at all. To make it more conceivable for Americans, just imagine New York city with all it's Starbucks, Macdonald's, KFC, Carl's Junior, Jack in a box, Denny's, Bart stops, traffic lights are all transformed into 7-11 stores, that's Taiwan.

Oh yes. People in Taiwan can't live properly without 7-11. There are people named after 7-11, probably. Such as Karen-eleven. Or Seven-Sibestian.

Maybe, God has loaded his shotgun with 7-11 and fired it at Taiwan.

A few times.

And a few times more.

Anyway, before I sound too ridiculous, which should not be the case as the above are generally true, the main idea of this article is to warn people staying/visiting Taiwan. If you were ever meeting your friend in Taiwan, never choose a 7-11 as the meeting place. The reason is obvious. You do that and you will NEVER see your friend. What's going to happen to you is that...

"I'm turning my head
up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
and all that I can see
is a 7-11

dap dap dap dap

all that I can see
all the I can see
and all that I can see
is a SEVEN-ELEVEN"

You stand a better chance if you chose to meet under a piece of cloud.

Disneyland

2006-08-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone's blogging spree seems to have ended after 13th August.

Anyway, just returned from Disneyland. Something eye-opening happened and I think everyone should learn about it. It is not the new Disneyland California park that's so amusing; not the 50th anniversary parade that's so stunning; not the new rides that are worth gasping. It is the tour guide that's worth mentioning.

Ok... below are the details.

My tour of 55 people entered the "happiest place on earth" at 8am. Then the tour guide was arrested by Disneyland security. What an exciting way to start the day. Not trying to be sarcastic but don't you agree this is an experience money can't buy? Alright, before I sound too evil, I shall clarify here that the tour guide deserved it.

Before we entered Disneyland that morning, the tour guide gave out the tickets to us and I sensed something fishy. I flipped the ticket over and there read "Nontransferable, must be used by same person on all days. This ticket allows the holder to be admissioned into same park for 3 days. EXTRA DAYS EXPIRE 14 DAYS FROM INITIAL USE..." I was feeling weird since the tour was going to spend one day in the park only. Why were we holding on to re-entry tickets?

Sure enough, we entered the park and the officers came over and quarantined all of us. Basic questions like "were we in the park before" and "how many days are we going to spend here" were asked. I was like,"errr... last time I was here was 8 years ago...We are only spending one day here." Eventually, all our words were recorded and used to charge against the tour guide in court. Apparently, the tour guide used the same tickets for different tour groups. What a stupid man, didn't he know such crude trick couldn't cheat computerised system, and people who actually bothered to read the tickets?

The tour guide was brought away, leaving the park supervisors with 55 of us. Some people tried to find out what's going to happen to the tour guide but the authorities refused to say. Anyway, they were terribly sorry for the hours of delay and offered us fast-passes so we could salvage the rest of our day. The day turned out excellent with that irritating tour guide missing.

Next time, when any of you are in a tour, watch out for such things.

trip trip trip

2006-08-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm like the only one in this world still holidaying. Going Disneyland tml.

The photos in my flash drive has accumulated at a cancer-like rate to over one thousand in population. Just retuened from Vegas and I'm going LA again. The end of this holiday spree seems nowhere in sight =)

Gambled in Las Vegas illegally. Tell you all how I got pass the casino security. However, don't spread it around. Shhhhhh....

I was having fun at the slot machine when the security approached me and requested for a photographic evidence to prove that I'm 21 years old. Trying to stay clam, I showed him my Taiwan driver license.

At this point of the story, we shall recall the modern history of China. Sun Yat-Sen overthrown the Man Qing dynasty on 10th October 1911. Thus, 1911 is considered to be Republic of China year 1. If my birthday were 2nd of June 1987, my Taiwan photographic prove will show that my D.O.B. is 02/06/76.

So I showed the casino security my Taiwan driver license which state that I was born on '76. Then I cunningly claimed that I'm 30 years old. Apparently, Westerners have difficultly judging Asian's age.

Now that security is of no more threat to me, I enjoyed my time at hold 'em, black jack and poker. However, I was punished for my evil deeds -- I lost 200 dollars in total.

Gamble is not an essential evil. I prefer roller coaster rides to gambling. Off to Disneyland!

The Americans

2006-08-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Decided to blog something before weeds start growing in here. There are hundred of photos in my digi-cam and inertia is repelling me from upoading them in my blog. Maybe I shan't be lazy, it's a cardinal sin.

Over the weeks, I've picked up the American accent. Feeling quite happy about it. All I can say is that American accent may not necessary be the right accent, but it is definitely the most popular.

Americans are really a bunch of cute and innocent beings. Let me illustrate this point with a very specific example which happened a few days ago.

I was having dinner in a buffet restaurant named "fresh choice" when I encountered this little boy, around 8 years old, having lots of difficulty trying to divide a piece of pizza by my side. I offered my help and asked him how many pieces did he want to divide his pizza into. He gave me a blur look so I attempted to simplify my question a little.

I said,"do you want your pizza in 6 pieces or 8 pieces?"

He tilted his head while he deliberated over this mathematically-saturated question and replied,"I want it in 6 pieces. 8 pieces is a bit too many, I'm afraid I can't finish it."

Then, I tried to explain to him that 6 pieces of 1/6 is the same amount as 8 pieces of 1/8. However, he didn't get it. So I took two pizzas, cutting one into 6 pieces and the other into 8 pieces. The boy sticked out his right index finger and start counting the two discrete distributions and concluded that 8 is still larger than 6.

Being a patient mentor, I took out a 1/6 piece and a 1/8 piece and stacked them up accordingly. There, with those mystical illusions finally unveiled, I've proven that the reciprocal of 6 is bigger than 8 regardless of the fact that 8 is bigger than 6.

While the boy awed over this mathematical wonder, I dipped my chopstick in catchup and wrote down this amazing mathematical theory on a tissue paper: 1/8 x 8 = 1/6 x 6 = 1

The boy was extremely impressed and exclaimed that he would show this to his neighbor when he got home. What followed was that he folded the tissue paper up nice and properly. Before I could make any further comments, he squashed the tissue paper into his pocket.

I motioned towards his pocket and said,"I won't do that if I were you."

He gave his pocket a peep and had a shock of his life.

Random Survey

2006-07-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

1)How old do you wish you were?I'm happy with my age
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?Singapore
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?Forget it. I don't care about small money.
4) Do you consider yourself kind?yes
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?tongue
6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?Jap
7) Do you know your neighbors?no
8) What do you consider a vacation? Somewhere I can feel innocent again.
9) Do you follow your horoscope?not at all
10) Would you move for the person you loved?move? definitely
11) Are you touchy feely?I don't understand what's that
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?Yes. It is mathematically and scientifically proven.
13) Dream job?Dentist
14) Favorite channel(s)?Panama
15) Favorite place to go on weekends?any of my friend's house
16) Showers or Baths?showers
17) Do you paint your nails?no
18) Do you trust people easily?yes. Except for 3 types of people: people who smoke, dye their hair or see nothing but money
19) What are your phobias?Letting emotions get the better of me
20) Do you want kids?yes
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?Used to. Now I blog
22) Where would you rather be right now?Anywhere but doing this survey
23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?Anyone with higher body tempurature than me. Thermodynamics
24) Heavy or light sleeper?as heavy as possible
25) Are you paranoid?no
26) Are you impatient?no
27) Who can you relate to?Anyone who supports Taiwan's independence
28) How do you feel about interracial couples?respect
29) Have you been burned by love?yes
30) What’s your favorite pick-up line?My name is tonight, call me tonight
31) What’s your main ring tone on your mobile?my hp is forever silent
32) What were you doing at midnight last night?sleep
33) What did the last text on your cellphone say?I don't get this question
34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?my cousin's
35) What color shirt are you wearing?white
36) Most recent movie you watched?Dead man's chest [disappointing]
37) Name three things you have on you at all times? EQ, IQ, wit
38.) What color are your bed sheets?mainly blue, green. To be specific, they are not mine.
39) How much cash do you have on you right now?$0
40) What is your favorite part of the chicken?I hate meat
41) What’s your favorite town/city?Taiwan, the entire island
42) I can’t wait till i die? no. I can wait. I'm very patient
44) What did you have for dinner last night? sandwich
45) How tall are you barefoot?172cm
47) Do you own a gun?no
48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?water
49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?Just be nice
56) Where do you think you’ll be in 10 yrs?Taiwan
57) Last thing you ate?bread with peanut butter
58) What songs do you sing in the shower?I don't
59) Last thing that made you laugh?This survey
60) Worst injury you’ve ever had?"worst injury" is a subjective term. In terms of size, I peel the skin off my entire left palm before. In terms of condition, I dislocate my ankle to the extent that I can't walk. In terms of area, my whole body swell due to allergic to milk before.
61) Does someone have a crush on you?Don't think so
62) What’s your favorite candy?I prefer chocolate
63) What song do you want played at your funeral?Howl's moving castle

Good for you

2006-07-18T02:26:00.000-07:00

Actually, I wanted this to be a chinese entry. However, there's no chinese software here in California. Hahaz... cheers go out to those who don't enjoy reading chinese.

"Good for you". "Too bad".

After observing for a long time. I discover these comments are actually of good intentions. I'm not sure how many people feel the same way as I do, I always see intense sarcasm in these words. I've provided some elaborations below:

"Good for you, [enjoy it while it last]"
"Too bad, [stop whinning and deal with it]"

Maybe it's because I'm too chinese-orientated, or rather, too Taiwan-based. The notorious culture of Taiwan society is to set your own rules, as long as you respect others, they will give you space as well. As such, we grew up developing the habit to think out of the box. We see meanings and hidden intentions behind simple words. Our minds work on an unconventional system.

Taking for example, on the road, I believe none of you can imagine making U-turns through double yellow lines, or over low-lying road blocks. This is a norm in Taiwan. Taiwanians don't see rules, we see the big picture.

Taiwan girls don't ask her bf ,"Can you get me a glass of water, darling?" The girls go ,"Are you thristy?" Then the boys should know what to do.

I believe we assume too much. After going through western education all these years, I've been taught, over a dozen of times, assumption is a sinful communication skill. However, don't you agree it adds colour to our daily lives? If everything is in "yes" and "no", I feel unchallenged.

When I tell my friends ,"I'm having fun in California!" They reply ,"good for you."

... ... ... ... ... ...

I still see tons of sarcasm involved, really. Am I interpreting too much? Please tell me how you see this issue.

In California!

2006-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is my aunt's house in San Francisco. It will be my temporary habitate for the next one month or so.

The neighbour's house is still under construction. People in USA dislike concrete and tiles because these materials give off radiation. Thus, they use pure solid wood for the skeleton of the house.

See what I mean? Apparently, they don't use nails as well.

This is the front garden. I had a nice time weeding it. The front door is hidden behind the shrub. However, the front door is guarded by security system till eternity. We shall enter by the side door.

Going through the side door, you'll come to this narrow path known as the broadway. It leads to...

The times square! Nice flowers right? My uncle has done a brilliant job in gardening. *respect* They have home-made fertilizers by storing fruit skins, dried leaves and leftover food in a huge container and letting them rot and decompose and disintegrate. Hope no one falls into it.

Cool metal furnitures in the garden. I love this spot. I do Sudoku here every morning. The morning air is just cooling and refreshing. Finally, I know what is pollution until I am out of it.

Then, we finally see the magnificant house.

Inside the house, there're Yamaha guitar, Getzen trombone and Steinway & Sons grand piano! I shall stop now and play the piano. Bye!

My house

2006-07-10T05:31:00.000-07:00

Due to popular demand, I shall blog about my house in Taiwan.

This is my 22 years old house. It has prevailed through floods, typhoons, earthquakes, hail stones and almost a fire. *Kudos*

Do take note of the only blue car in the picture, that’s my father’s. It is a 20 years old Volvo and my dad bought it 3 years ago as a second hand car. The brilliant thing about this second hand car is that my dad doesn’t mind me trashing it. That’s exactly how I successfully clocked hundreds of hours of driving experience in half a year.

From inside the house. You can see me in the mirror and my dad’s car at the left hand side.

This space used to be rented by a 24-hour store very similar to 7-eleven. Ever since they moved out last year, it is empty. A coffee shop has shown interest in renting this spot recently and we are still discussing over this issue.

PICT0107 [currently unavailable]
Side view of my house, you can see the main entrance to my father’s clinic. The clinic used to occupy the entire 1st floor a decade back. However, it is very tiring to keep such a huge business going, especially when you need to hire other dentists. That’s why it is reduced to this cozy area.

PICT0108 [currently unavailable]
Enter this dental clinic with 27 years of glorious history. When the entire world is moving towards computerized technology, my father sticks to the old school. I used to disagree with my father’s working methods, thinking that they are obsolete. However, I grew up to realize that the methods he insists are in fact marvelous.

Let’s move up to the 4th floor.

This is my training ground. I train to do stunts here. At the same this, wash clothes and hang them up.

The 4th floor from another angle.

Moving down the stairwell to level 3.

PICT 0097 [currently unavailable]
The 3rd floor is where we live, equipped with sofas, beds everything. However, almost everything is more than 10 years of history. Now, you can tell where I develop my habit of saving, reusing and recycling.

Moving down the stairwell to Level 2.

Notice the metal cage? It is constructed 20 years ago when my parents founded a kindergarten for my brother’s sake. [This is true] The cage is used to lock naughty kids up. [This is partially true]

Level 2 doesn’t look very glamorous now, I know. It looks like a dumping ground. 6 years ago it was rented out as a project-workroom for card designs. Ever since they moved out 4 years ago, it gradually evolved to be a giant storeroom. However, don’t look at it with such discriminating eyes, I’ve actually attempted to tidy it up, together with my father, annually during New Year’s Eve, 3 years in a row. Show some appreciation alright?

And when you move down to the ground floor, you're back to my father's clinic.

That was the virtual tour around my house. Hope you enjoyed it.

I'll upload the missing photos when blogspot permits, stay tuned.

in a lan shop

2006-06-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

ok... blogging in a lan shop. Quite a fresh experience. There is always a frist time for everything.

I am really feeling the emotion of saddness kicking into me with this entry. I think it is caused by the fact that I've packed up all my stuffs. The realisation of the fact that I'm leaving Singapore behind is gradually materialising in me.

There are so many things to look forward to. At the same time, there are so many things to leave behind. This is exactly like mountaining climbing -- You have to give up your current safe spot in order to go higher and gain better views. What shall I say? This is life.

Just realised all these mixed emotions have moved me away from the category of "no-life". I am living life again. Thus, I shall be thankful and happy =)

Dosha test

2006-06-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor.You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader.Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways.But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical.
With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you
In love: You are picky but passionate
To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

What's" Your Dosha?

"take cool walks in the moonlight"? I think I've done that before... Quite a few times... covering quite a distance. Hahaz... but I like the descriptions, I hope to be like that =)

A picture speaks more than a thousand words

2006-06-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

People have been complaining to me that my blog is too wordy. Ok...I shall attempt to start an entry with pictures.

Once upon a time I bought a watermelon for $2.70. I cut it up with a 10-inch knife and selected the most delicious piece.

I took a bite...

And another...

And another and another...

And I threw the skin away.
Is this a story with happy or sad ending? I can't decide...

Life of a no-life

2006-06-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Gave up translating blogs because it is too time-consuming and stifles inspiration. I shall think in one particular tongue at a time (=

I am back in Singapore for half a month and it has been an errrr…. really no-life experience.

No-life reason one: no Internet most of the time. I bet most of the present people cannot imagine life without Internet. Well, I’ve lived through that. Not so bad actually. You get to rest your eyes and mind quite a bit. Allowing the sense of remoteness sinking into you is a peaceful and comforting process.

No-life reason two: No one to talk to. Considering all my male friends in army and female friends either working or overseas, I am in complete isolation. I have some to live with that through the years, as this is really not the first, or second, time I am in solitude. I’ve found friends in my piano and guitar.

No-life reason three: I don’t eat out. It is the first time I ever resent school holiday. The food court, hawker centre, fast food etc. are FOREVER crowded. And I really mean crowded. The sight of all those youngsters swarming the area really makes me lose all my appetite. So I went to the market and bought a hell lot of vegetables and fruits home. That is when I developed the habit of eating in.

As you can see, I am a living example of a no-lifer. ~sigh~ Everyday I wake up, cook, eat, wash up, evening jog, cook, eat, sleep. This routine is getting mind numbing. Hahaz… need to read some books. All I am living for are the weekends when I can meet my friends.

Ok… another weekend coming up. Hooray!

期许的心

2006-06-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

谢期许刚刚把女朋友气走了。

谢期许感慨地在约会的时候对陈心愉说：“如果你只能活一百天，那我只要活九十九天。这样我就永远不需要过任何一天没有你生活。”

心愉脸色变了变，依然以温柔，不过这次却带点严肃的语气说：“你不觉得自己很自私吗？只许自己无需过没有我的生活，却毫不理会我需要承受失去你的打击。”

期许被这句话怔住了，不禁觉得惭愧。心愉的头垂得很低，虽然轻声细语地道别，但她以刚然果断身法转身离去。七月初七的弯月将银色的微光轻轻地洒在她的秀发上，加上斜风温柔地挑拨她的背影，这一切毫不保留地陷进谢期许麻木的内心。爱情不都是自私的吗？不过爱情本身却是一切慷慨付出的根源。人生的矛盾，何去何从？

几天后，期许接到心愉的母亲电话，通知他心愉住院了。还没搞清楚状况的期许立即赶到医院。本来气氛已经很紧绷的医院顿时被这位闯进来的不速之客闹到崩溃的边缘。心愉的父母花了好一番功夫才把期许安顿下来，为他解释情况。原来心愉的心病已有三年的历史，这已是第五次复发了。心愉一直不希望期许知道。不过这次的病状已到了末期，医生诊断她若不尽快做心脏移植手术，数日无几。因此心愉父母才决定通知期许，容许他有与心愉相处的最后机会。

期许顿时热血沸腾，暗自转向医生要求将自己的心脏移植给心愉。江医生了解状况，迅速地办了一切医疗手续后，将合同递给期许。期许只要在合同上签了名，就可以以一命换一命。好伟大的情操呀！？？

不过期许突然想起七月初七心愉对他说的最后几句话，以及那凄凉的夜景又浮现心头。原来那天期许说的话并没有惹心愉生气。期许的话只不过说到了心愉的心坎里去，刺痛了她一直埋在心底深处的秘密。她爱他，但她知道她一定爱得比他少，因为她无法改变自己生命线的长度。她责备自己自私，又没有勇气把自己认知最美好的一切摆到现实面前。她那天的离别，是带着自责的心情，忍受着月光与凉风的嘲讽，沉重地步入黑夜。

期许拿着合同，走到加护病房外面，透过模糊的玻璃窗望着安详的心愉，宁听微弱的心电板跳动。心愉规律的心跳声，安抚期许忐忑的心情。期许闭上眼睛，默默地在加护病房外许下了承诺，一个不再自私的承诺。接着他答谢江医生一直以来对心愉的照顾，向心愉的父母请安后，转身离开了医院。期许远去的步伐一步比一步轻盈，直到听不见为止。正如心愉的心电图一样。

江医生转向值班的护士，露出揶揄的笑容道：“年轻人还是怕死。”

期许将接下来的一生奉献给心病的研究。二十年后的莫一日江医生翻开报纸看到了关于期许的报道，又露出揶揄的笑容向妻子道：“这小子这几十年想尽办法在赎罪。真可怜！何苦吗？”

但期许一点都不可怜。每当他看到病人康复的表情，病人家属的表情，就知道心愉很赞许他的表现。他没有辜负她。她也一样一点都没有辜负他。

如果现在活着的是一个有了一颗期许心脏的心愉，那他们可就永远互相深深地辜负了对方。你说不是吗？

冷漠是种罪？

2006-06-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

甲道：“我们做事应该寻求对自己最有利的条件。只要能达到目的，不管是投机取巧、欺压他人、蒙骗过关都无所谓，只要是事半功倍、以逸待劳的事就做就对了。因为唯我独尊才是真的。”

乙道：“不该为他人着想吗？我们不是都推崇舍己为人的精神吗？”

甲道：“你的武侠小说看得太多了。这世上哪有什么舍己为人可言？信任别人，就是毁灭自己。人不为己，天诛地灭。”

乙道：“如此般过一生，精神层次未免永远停留在肤浅的阶段、停滞不前？”

甲道：“别活在梦游仙境里了。你对别人好，一般的人也是不会感激的。这是因为现今社会里大家已体会到没有永远的朋友，只有永远的利益的道理。对人好，就是有所企图。没有人会信你舍己为人那一套。”

乙道：“有没有想过？如果有一个每一个人都相信对方，对人好的社会，那社会是多么文明、进步。花在提防别人、尔虞我诈的精神与时间都可以省了。”

甲道：“那是理想国，不可能存在。”

乙道：“我们不是应该尽最大的努力迈向理想国吗？”

甲道：“话是这样说没错。但那个理想国是完完全全不可能建立的。人是难以捉摸的动物。在你的理想国里，只要有一个人想徇私舞弊，一个人就好，整个理想国就会垮台。而这个自私的孬种就得以称霸。说老实话，我就要作这个自私的孬种。”

乙道：“大家都不想呢？”

甲道：“做梦！”

乙道：“怎么不可能呢？若有一天理想国建立，大家铁定会被如此蓬勃、先进的大环境感动。大家都有好处，为何破坏？”

甲道：“你这个‘大家都有好处，为何破坏？’的理论不成立。有个商人做过一个试验：在百货公司里卖笔记型电脑。商人广播说如果百货公司里的所有顾客都举起双手，他就一人送一台电脑。但如果有一个人不举，有举手的人就强迫以双倍价钱买下电脑。这个‘大家都有好处’的处境，只有三个人举手。他门成了大家的笑柄。人与人之间永远不可能完全信任的，大家一点会认为他人别有心机，各有意图。”

乙道：“这是因为理想国还没成立。一旦成立，人一生下来就只认识信任，哪会去想什么背叛。”

甲道：“你口口声声地赞理想国好，难道你认为现今社会很烂，急于需要改革吗？”

乙道：“当然！这个把自我为中心当出发点的社会，是个冷漠的国度，进步有限。”

甲道：“冷漠是种罪吗？”

乙道：“浪费时间是种罪吗？”

甲道：“是！但别人管不着。”

乙道：“跟冷漠完全一样。”

甲道：“所以这世上永远有人浪费时间，永远有人冷漠。”

乙道：“答对了！”

甲道：“那就要改。怎么改法？”

乙道：“要怎么样不浪费时间？”

甲道：“当然是多多利用时间。”

乙道：“那要怎么样不冷漠？”

甲道：“多多与人交流和信任？”

乙道：“又答对了。”

甲道：“听起来就很不容易了，更何况是去做。”

乙道：“做起来其实不难呀！”

刚说完心电图就不再跳动了，只发出单调的‘哔’声。甲眼神不定的望了躺在病床上的病人一眼，对在旁边的乙说：“我还有急事在身。”甲匆匆转身走出医院，赶回公司上班，以赚取更多业绩。

乙失望的望着甲，这位拥有罕有的AB- 血型的人的背影，目睹他离开医院。乙叹了口气，为已失血过多而撒手归西的尸体合上白布条。

病人已经无药可救，甲还有希望吗？乙不禁怀疑。

雪白的布条，真干净。

taiwaneseoboe

2006-06-08T01:10:00.000-07:00

Had been hacking into neighbour's internet line these few days. Hahaz...actually I've already cancelled my internet line in Singapore a couple of months ago.

Too bad... the neighbour found out yesterday. I was scolded/reprimended/catigated. They even threaten to call the police.

Ok... so no more internet for me. Unless I hack in again when I'm very sure they're not at home, or they are not using their internet, to be exact.

Remember there's such an advertisment: If your life were made into a movie, what would the viewers think? Although the advertisment is claiming that if you don't join army your movie will be dead boring but I'm quite sure mine wouldn't be, regardless of the fact that I'm not into army yet.

Thus, my theory of life: Nothing is dangerous until it is. As such, your life will be a blockbuster.

ok...enough crap, gotto cut the line.

a gorge

2006-06-07T06:53:00.000-07:00

Imagine there was a gorge, which is a river cutting through a deep valley, and there were two villages on both sides of the bank. Humans are interactive beings so they built a straight wooden beam bridge to link the two banks together. Ever since, they started trading and making friends with the other side of the bank.

However, when the rainy season came, the river would gain velocity and erode the bottom of the banks away, causing the edges of the bands to crumble. The bridge crumbled into the river as well.

Every year after the rainy season, the villagers would build a longer beam bridge to link the banks, which were parting annually. It became a culture and their way of life.

Until a year came when a straight beam bridge is unable to be constructed because the bridge could not withstand its own weight and it snaps from the centre. Humans, being highly intellectual beings, explored the solutions and constructed an arch bridge instead, where the weight of the bridge falls evenly at either side of the bank.

Years passed until arch bridges were inadequate solutions. As the bridge gets bulky, the curvature of the body of bridge had to be increased. It had come to the point where arch bridges were ineffective for the villagers to pass through.

Humans exercised their powerful imaginative ability and constructed a suspension bridge.

One year, a smart person came up with the idea to build sturdy artificial riverbanks. As such, the erosion of river can be ceased and bridge constructions could be abandoned. The idea seemed plausible and people started the strenuous construction. Although it took months, the villagers were overjoyed when it was accomplished. Every rainy season since then, crumbling of the bridge did not trouble the villagers. The skills of bridge construction were slowly forgotten.

Decades passed when the artificial riverbanks finally gave way. The bridge collapsed. The villagers had forgotten how to get to the other side. They were separated, forever.

Knowledge is power. It may not be necessary at times, but it is always essential. Just like mathematics.

back

2006-06-06T06:58:00.000-07:00

Am back in Singapore. Will be back till 1st July.

The trip back from airport was quite horrible. The plane landed at 11:15pm and I know there's always a human jam at that time because 3 planes (from Taiwan, Japan and Hong Kong), all Jetstar Asia, will land around the same time. Dunno why Jetstar Asia enjoys such unorthodox arrangement. So I dashed down the terminal from the very last last gate, carrying 30kg of stuffs, to be in front of the queue. I really want to catch the last mrt/bus home.

11:43pm. I made it to the last mrt train, taking me to Tenah Merah only. I brisk walked to bus stop there, crossing my fingers, hoping to catch the last bus.

11:47pm. I literally "caught" the last bus, which was actually driving away. I think the driver took pity on me. Then I discover I have negative amount of credit in my ez-link card. After fishing out my coins, I discover they are all Taiwan coins. Hahaha... so I went around the bus asking for change... for a ten-dollar note! Apparently, Singaporeans don't enjoy carrying coins very much.

12:02am. I was chased down the bus, so I took a taxi home after shaking off the idea to walk home.

joke (translation)

2006-06-02T01:44:00.000-07:00

There were 3 friends flying on a plane. One of them held a banana skin, the other a rock and the last a grenade. They decided to compete who could toss the object they were holding out of the window and watch it fall to the ground. However, none succeeded since nothing was visible beyond the thick layer of cloud.

After the place landed, the three friends went for a walk. They saw a little girl crying on the floor and asked why. She replied crying, “a banana fell from the sky and I stepped and slipped over it accidentally. It’s really painful…”

The three friends moved on and found a little boy crying on the floor. They asked why is he crying. He replied crying, “a stone fell from the sky and hit my head, it is really painful…”

The three friends moved on and saw an old lady laughing her head off on the ground. The three friends asked curiously, “what’s so funny?” The old lady replied, hardly catching her breath, “I’m not very sure what happened! All I know is that I farted and my house blew up! Hahaha…”

笑话

2006-06-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

有三个朋友坐在飞机上。一个人拿着香蕉皮，另一个拿着石头，最后一个拿着手榴弹。他们决定比比看谁可以把手中之物扔出窗外，并且看着它落到地上。三个人轮流试了，但都没有成功。因为东西过了云层后，就看不见了。

飞机降落后三个朋友便一同去逛街，结果在街上看见一个小女孩坐在地上哭。三位朋友一同问小女孩怎么在哭，她哭道：“不知怎么突然有个香蕉从天空掉下来，我不小心踏到结果滑了一跤，现在好痛呀。。。呜呜。。。”

三个朋友继续走，结果碰到了一个小男孩坐在地上哭。三位朋友一同问小男孩怎么在哭，他哭道：“有一个石头从空而降，打到我的头，现在好痛呀。。。呜呜。。。”

三个朋友继续往前走，结果看到一个老太婆趴在地上狂笑。三位朋友不约而同奇道：“有什么是那末好笑？”老太婆上气不接下气地笑道：“我也不清楚发生了什么事。哈哈哈！我只不过放了一个屁结果我的房子就砸掉了。哈哈哈哈哈！”

What does your birthday mean?

2006-05-20T10:39:00.003-07:00

Your Birthdate: June 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense.You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends.Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone.Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive.
Your strength: Your universal compassion
Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings
Your power color: Mauve
Your power symbol: Butterfly
Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Translate (translation)

2006-05-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

Time seems to be less ever since I return to Taiwan. Maybe because of the earlier sunset, or maybe the television shows are just way too interesting. Anyway, I like Taiwan. Furthermore, it is spring with sun shining and nice weather, which gives people a refreshing sensation.

Now, not only do I type in Chinese, I type old-fashion Chinese. I bet there will be a decline in number of loyal readers visiting my blog. As safety precaution, I shall provide translation from today onwards. Sigh~ why don’t you people learn your Chinese well? Haha… :P My Chinese is not exactly fantastic as well lar.

I feel lethargic thinking of the need to translate. Forget it, I will write more when I feel like it, or I get more inspiration in my head.

翻譯

2006-05-06T02:54:00.000-07:00

回來台灣不知怎麼地時間好像變少了。可能是因為太陽早了一小時下山，或者是因為台灣電視節目實在太精彩了。不管如何，我還是喜歡台灣，更何況現在恰好是春天，陽光普照、風光明媚，令人心曠神怡‧

現在我不僅打的是華文，又是繁體字，會繼續當我網誌的忠實讀者注定每況愈下。我看為了安全起見，從今以後我還是打一篇華文，一篇翻譯。嘆~~你們的華文基礎為什麼就不打好一點呢？哈哈~~(伸舌頭) 我的華文基礎也不怎麼樣。

想到要翻譯，我就意興闌珊了。算了，等我有靈感、心血來潮的時候再写多一點吧!

I'm in Taiwan

2006-05-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

And so I'm back home.

Read "Brokeback mountain" during my plane ride here. It is actaully one of many short stories in the book "close range". Everyone should read it, it's no more than 30 pages.

Feeling how terrible an over-conservative society can strike on a harmless minority group. We should learn to tolerate different kinds of people if we want to move towards a mature future.

Then I feel so lucky to be living in Taiwan, which is the most free place in this world. You can castigate the president and you'll be absolutely fine. You can tell a big lie to the public and no one will charge you. Hahaha...such a fun place with freedom of speech, thought, etc.

I was quite pissed reading the e-mail just now because someone wrote to me,"... ...Taiwan part of China yah :)". Don't like to start politics in my blog. Just that I haven't got angry for like, 5 years already? Hahaz...last time I got angry was someone squashed my project prototype under a soccer ball in secondary school. Hmmm... getting angry now makes a rare record.

So, never bring up sensitive issues during conversation such as politics, religion, height, weight and salary. You'll be shooting yourself in the toes if you do so.

I've blogged in English again because people are happy I blog in english =) I like people to be happy.

I think therefore I blog

2006-05-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

Due to incredibly high-demand, I shall blog in English, for once. Do cheer alright?

Let me tell you why blogs die off. Noticed that people use blog as their personal diaries, except that they are not so personal to the extent of giving away private issues. At first, the blog is full of drive, cheerfully recording down what an eventful day they had. Their friends read with glee and respond with playful comments. This sense of blogging-excitement last for quite a while, exactly like the excitement found in a newly formed couple who first held hands. However, when the novelty wears off, people start to question the reason to update their blogs consistently. Is it so important to keep friends constantly updated when it seems more meaningful to meet up once in a while? This exhibitionist world of blogging soon evolved to be a parasite feasting on their souls. Soon, the result, a stagnant blog.

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll see I’ve been siding towards expository essays. When you write your opinions rather than yourself, you’ll feel a greater sense of accomplishment. Cyberspace is like a massive body of seawater. If you kept on throwing part of yourself into this gigantic structure, you’ll feel tired and lethargic soon enough. When you start contributing ideas rather than giving yourself away, you feel your purpose in this enormous terrain populated by known/unknown people. Never stand by the seashore and allow heartless tides strike on your body, devouring bits and pieces of you. Construct a boat and set sail.

The above is merely my theory, feel free to disagree.

So do you see the reason I blog in Chinese? I can’t write good English expository essay.

祷告

2006-04-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

今天早上去了义顺的教堂，为一位正在住院的学姐献上衷心的祝福。到场的人把礼堂坐得满满的，让我感到一丝人间的温暖。

祷告仪式以平静的音乐作为开始。接着就是牧师开始说教。他先说一则圣经的故事：一群坐在船上的人在狂风暴雨的海上挣扎，突然看见一个如鬼魅般的人影在惊涛骇浪的水面上平静的走动。正当大家以为见鬼时，那位不知何方神圣的人物突然开口：“别慌！我是耶稣基督。信任我的话，就迈向我吧！”有位信徒就真得踏着水平面向他迈去。但在半路，这位信徒因为经不起刮骨的寒风，信心受到的动摇，结果身体开始往下沉。他惊呼救命。慈悲为怀、神通广大、救世济人、和蔼可亲的耶稣当然不会见死不救。耶稣救起信徒后问道：“为何半路怀疑呢？“

接着牧师就试图开始引经据典：人身的路坎坷，但我们一定要把持信念，坚持原则，才不至于被卷入惊涛骇浪之中。海浪代表恐惧，我们不应该被它吞噬，应该踩在上面。接着他又试着说服我们，我们不能选择死亡的方式，真如我们不能挑剔出身的地点和环境。然后又说这个世界没有东西是永恒的——钱财无法带走、恩爱夫妻也会离婚。我们在这世上的目的是要准备迈入上帝为我们设立的理想国。所以我们应该把自己视为在这里铺路的暂时先锋，而不是在地球的永久居名。丧失亲朋好友固然悲痛，但我们只要节哀顺变，继续奉承上帝，这世界依然美好。

好烂的说教。我先为我对那位牧师的不敬以及侮辱道歉。不过他的思路和台词真的欠佳、乏善可陈。首先，我们是可以完全掌握死亡的方式。若你看过歌德写的文学名著《浮士德》，你就会认识到死亡是可以选择的。浮士德和魔鬼签了契约，魔鬼要在浮士德有生之年服侍浮士德，浮士德死后灵魂就归魔鬼所有。故事最后，浮士德临死前听到魔鬼勤奋的替他打造坟墓的吵杂建筑声响，当时眼睛已瞎的浮士德误以为那是建造美丽家园的声音。想到所有无家可归的人从今以后终于可以有避风雨之处，浮士德打从心底感到了满足，赞道：“好美哦！”浮士德的灵魂得到了自由，因为他所感到的满足并不是魔鬼所带来的。死亡，本来就是种心态，看你如何去面对而已。

再者，这世界本来就是有永恒的东西。别用一些肤浅例子混淆我的视听。最求自由的精神永恒。真挚的爱情永恒。所有的真、善、美都永恒。

接下来，我们在世上的目的着么会是“准备迈入上帝为我们设立的理想国”呢？我不是批评理想国存不存的问题，是在说这不应该是任何人心目中的目的。心中有个理想国固然很好，但我们应该认真努力争取这个理想，而不是认为我们迟早都会到那儿去。一个人诚心奉承他的上帝，不吃、不喝、不睡地每天祷告，最后营养不良而死，你说他有资格到理想国去吗？我会说他是个不折不扣的白痴，浪费了一生。

祷告可以非常充分地安定灵魂，达到心平气和的效果。但内容至少有智慧一点吧。

死亡是个未知数，多多少少令人怀疑、恐惧。有恐惧，就应该去面对，而不是视而不见。所以我非常不认同牧师所说的踏在恐惧（海面）上的观念。踏在上面就没事了吗？那么说身旁的亲朋好友撒手归西，因为有所恐惧而无法面对，就把他的尸体沉入大海，从此以后踏在海平面上面吗？对一个亲人的死讯，应该让他的尸体漂在海面上，目睹他渐渐消失在海连天、天连海的夕阳远方，珍惜他生前可贵的精神和勇敢的作为。面对现实，而不是逃避现实。

叽里呱啦地说了一堆，是不是很明确地说明我为什么不信教。因为你应该寻找自己的理想国，而不是要别人为你打造一个现成的。

酒后

2006-04-29T01:24:00.000-07:00

终于知道什么是酒后症候群了。原来武侠小说中所写的“头痛欲裂”、“头昏脑胀”、“五脏六肺滚滚翻腾”都不是盖的。以后我再也不要喝60%的威士忌了。

祝福

2006-04-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

“别走。别去我无法跟你去的地方。”

想到了我在哪一部电影看到的。是《魔戒三部曲——王者再临》。当佛洛多被毒蜘蛛麻痹后，山姆以为他死了，因而痛哭流涕，悲痛得说出这句话。

明天我就要考试了。应该养足精神，不该在这里胡说八道。不过管它的，成绩会着么样等到成绩揭晓的时候再担心吧。此时，就今朝有酒今朝醉。

今天小王生日，唱一首生日歌给你听：
祝你生日快乐，
祝你生日快乐，
祝你生日快乐，
祝你生日快乐。[吹蜡烛、鼓掌、欢呼、扒拉扒拉]

祝每一个人幸福快乐 =）

不多说了，我和周公有约。

生命的可贵

2006-04-25T07:13:00.000-07:00

生命的可贵，我并不是最近才认识的。

近期的报章有一则报道是关于一位得了舌癌的学姐。从报章和朋友的口中，我认识到她是一位非常杰出的青年，热心公益，无论在课业、课外活动、待人处事方面都有非凡的表现。只从去年得知患有癌症后，她只好辍学住院，接受化学疗程。疗程慢慢腐蚀她的身心，唯一没变的是他脸上的笑容和坚强的信念。

每次当我们在人生的旅途中目睹了这类悲痛的插曲，都难免反问自己世间痛苦存在的意义，以及上帝的旨意。为何要叫人受苦？

下个礼拜，我外公逝世100日。我将返台扫墓。人生变化无常，一切的悲欢离散，是每一个人都应该学习接受面对的。我记得很小很小的时候，当我刚会走路的时候，我的母亲就因为内出血住院。当时连说话都有问题的我，根本不了解父亲脸上的表情是何等焦虑。我天真得望着医院里穿白衣的人士紧凑的来来往往，殊不知人命就在这些脚步和呼吸间在鬼门关前面徘徊。我也被紧张的气氛压迫的鸦雀无声。

医院的一切直到我看第一部电影时还历历在目。电影是徐克导演的《倩女幽魂2》。电影的最后有位主角因为无奈修为不足，魂无法回体，飘至西天，魂飞魄散。接着下一句台词是：“他走了。”那时我不到5岁，但我深刻体会到什么叫做‘死’。你永远永远无法根一个死去的人相处、说话、欢笑、哭泣、分享人生中的喜怒哀乐。这不禁使我问起几年前母亲住院的状况，我才打从心底捏了一把冷汗。

“别走。别去我无法跟你去的地方。”忘了最近在那一部电影看到的台词。谈生死真的如此沉重吗？从我懂得死有什么寓意后我就不断深思此问题。起初是很害怕，不知道没有了我身边的任何一个人，我该怎么面对。不久我想通了。

不知道你有没有怀疑过，电影为什么总要给垂死的人有机会说最后几句话，才容许他撒手而归。这种老掉牙的情节其实说明了一件事——人生的遗憾不在于离别，而是在于未完成的事。如果每一个人都以赤诚的心态待人，离别时就不会再悲痛了。因为该说的、该做的，都已圆满完成，所以已经不需要死命抓住再相处的机会。病床的生离死别，其实和在机场送机，或在车站挥手道别没有两样。只要已和身边的人充实相处，能不能再有机会相聚又何足为惧？

生命的可贵，并不是在丧失生命时才能证明的。生命的可贵，是在活得精彩、充实、有意义当儿被体现出来的。只不过，还是一句老话：人总是要到失去的时候才懂得珍惜。

精彩一日游

2006-04-24T06:04:00.000-07:00

决定改一下写作风格。

前几则文章其实是我要巩固我的作文实力才打出来的。喜 ~~ 因为我这礼拜四将要考台湾大学入学考试。而错别字一直都是我最大的毛病，实在有些担忧。不过把网志（也就是blog，台湾翻为部落格）当练习作文的地方实在不着么明智。因为内容就变得过于严肃认真，读者的流失率也相对提高。这世界已经很无趣了，没有人会希望在上网休闲游览的时候又看见一样无趣，或者更无趣的东西。

更改一下写作风格。写一些娱乐性质比较高的内容。（由此可见，老师当久了，作文改多了，人也会变得无趣，丧失幽默感。叹 ~~ 当老师虽然有铁饭碗，但装在饭碗里却是人生一大悲剧。）

昨天凌晨我夜游去学校参加26届学生委员会新生训练营，半路被打枪。枪匪虽然作了万全的准备——穿了一身黑，戴了安全帽，甚至连摩托车牌也隐藏得滴水不漏。但可惜遇着了我。他们偷鸡不成十把米，一个人还摔了一交。叹，真惨。但至少让我孤独的旅程多了一些色彩。

凌晨两点半到了学校。和疲累的25届学弟妹们寒暄了一下。他们真可怜，两个晚上没睡觉了。睡眼稀松，双神无主。还有人把我当成他们一员。每一年都是如此，折磨人的人必被折磨的人来得疲惫。有点矛盾，但事实如此。

三点到了，26届的人被哨声吵醒。接着噼里啪啦，叽里咕噜，稀里哗啦。其中的叫骂和血汗我就省略。我不忍继续目睹其中的惨烈实况，于是躲起来小睡片刻。

很快就8点了。虽然26届的人已经苦尽甘来，校园也不再血肉模糊，但我已和24届的人约好共进早餐，所以离开了正在狂欢的校园。

吃早餐没什么好提的。唯一值得一提的是小惠开一辆大型旅车载我们去学校。哈哈哈！我们还真坏，一路批评她的驾驶技术，对她的转弯、变换车道、停车能力很有意见。不过没关系，再接再厉。我也是这般一路学上来的。我可以保证我爸把我骂得更惨，狗血都可以把车厢内的空间淹得满满的。但我认为这是学习把阻力化为助力的好机会。

到了学校遇到了我的小小学弟学妹们。他们都满可爱的，活力十足，疏不知前途坎坷、艰苦、颠簸。我索性任由他们日后再好好品尝品尝吧。（裂嘴一笑）不过说真的，一次有了6个新生代，送礼物实在有些困难。尤其是在包礼物的时候。我们一起去吃午餐后他们都吵着要回家睡觉。看在他们疲惫的身心，我就放过了他们。

我也回家休养休养。日后investiture见！

勇气

2006-04-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

有勇气克服自己内心恐惧的人，一定比不会处理心中恐惧的人来得有信心。有勇气面对失败的人，注定比较能够成功。有勇气面对自己的人，才可能进步、成长。勇气永远都是正面、积极的。既使是“有勇无谋”、“匹夫之勇”，但只要有勇气向前衡，有勇气面对眼前的一切，精神层次上永远是高贵的。

然而，勇气并不是与生俱来的。每个刚从母亲子宫离开的胎儿，都一定会呱呱而泣、号啕大哭，因为不适应空气、害怕空旷的空间。每个婴儿都握紧双拳，偏爱被密不透凤地裹在襁褓里，紧紧的被抱在怀里。

没有人是“初生之犊不畏虎”的。不了解什么是怕的人，根本没资格谈论何谓勇气。初生之犊只会不懂虎，不可能不畏虎。畏不畏虎的问题，是认识老虎的可畏后才可以断定的。

《心灵鸡汤》这本书中有一则关于勇气的故事，叙述一对孪生姐弟。六岁的弟弟得过一种罕见的疾病但却奇迹般的复原了，因此血液中有了抗体。姐姐日后得了同样疾病，但病情一直没有好转，每况愈下。医生说唯一的希望是弟弟把血捐给姐姐。弟弟豪不考虑就答应了。输血过程中，弟弟一直微笑着看姐姐，直到结束沉默无言。然后，弟弟转向医生，以苍白的脸问到；“我什么时候死掉？”

原来六岁的弟弟误会了医生得意思，以为要把全身的血都输给姐姐。肯为别人牺牲的勇气，往往比为自己所产生的勇气，来得可贵。

勇气，也是信心的根源。有次我和同学去听演奏会，结果有位喇叭手把一段独奏搞砸了，整首歌一蹶不振。事后我和同学讨论这个问题。我们一致认同这位喇叭手信心不足，但我却说如果他可以及时稳住阵脚把其余的乐章吹奏完，他还是一位有信心的演奏家。但我同学不认同。

我同学认为“台上一分钟，台下十年功”。每一位演奏家都已将乐章吹奏得滚瓜烂熟。演奏时一旦有失误，必定是受到大场面的动摇，这就是信心不住地证明。之后即使能咸鱼翻身，也无济于事 — 他只不过捡回了所有信心的一小步份。

然而，我认为在演奏当儿咸鱼翻身才是演奏的精华，信心的精髓所在。把演奏的一小部分搞砸，这场演出固然不完美，但无疑是精彩的。因为这位演奏家在台上表现出了一般演奏会看不到的内容 — 勇于面对挫折的能力。这种临场应变能力是何等不容易呀！一场完美无缺的演奏当然很棒，但一切都是一层薄薄的信心包装的而已。倘若有了瑕疵，又从蹭蹬中崛起，这才是充满信心活力与勇气十足的表演。有了真正的勇气，才是扎实信心的基础。

每个人都应该培养面对挫折的勇气；信任朋友的勇气；认错的勇气；表达内心感受的勇气；面对自己的勇气；以及活下去的勇气。因为，我们从出生的那一刻就认识了恐惧，并且选择了以最诚恳的态度面对这个世界。

街景

2006-04-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

第一次开车上路，当然分外地小心翼翼。我睁大了眼睛，不时当心从侧方钻出来的小型摩托车。它们在车水马龙的大街上如鱼得水般穿梭自如，虽然难免有点危险，但这正是台湾街道的一大特色。除了冒失的机车骑士外，当然少不了川流不息、络绎不绝的轿车。在驾驶座上的我自然少不了随时留意鲜红的煞车灯，以及耀眼的橙色方向灯。它们各自有规律地闪烁着，构成一幅美丽的城市夜景。

好不容易碰着了一个红灯。我停下了车，放松心情观赏周围的街景。望着四周招摇的店面招牌、璀璨的霓红灯、来来往往的行人和拉着气球的天真孩童，我突然发觉没间店铺的设计、每个逛街的人、每棵矗立在路旁的树，都有值得研究参考，多观察两眼之处。无奈红绿灯已翻脸，指使我踩下油门。

我不禁想起我小时候，当我能无忧无虑地坐在后座，把一切路况都交给在驾驶座上的父亲处理时，我并没有抓警机会欣赏车窗外美丽的街景。天真无邪又年幼无知的我一向望着玻璃车窗发呆，任由丰富的街景从我面前呼啸而过。直到现在，当我已无暇认真地观赏车外风景时，才懂得它的可爱。

想到此处，我正好从繁华的新竹火车站前驶过。有一百多年历史的新竹火车站屋瓦是以纯钢金属鳞片铺制而成。远远望去，格外的庄严肃穆。这令我唤起历史课本中的一张旧照片。当时的新竹火车站附近都是尘土飞扬的黄沙道。道上也只有衣冠简陋的路人和复古的三轮车。如今，黄沙道已被薄油路取而代之；衣着朴实的行人也改成了时髦现代的逛街人士。这几年的发展，真是一发不可收拾。

又碰到了红灯，我缓缓停下车，仔细观赏夜间火车站的风光。这时，远方有一个手提水果篮的老太婆在过马路时跌了一交。老婆婆慌忙地捡滚落在地的橘子，顿时乱了阵脚。路过的人视而不见，以冷漠的态度继续对着自己的手机高谈阔论。无情的红绿灯在这不该的时候变了脸。排在我前方的一辆宾士不耐烦地猛按喇叭，毫不客气地催促老太婆。婆婆顾不得捡完水果，只得步履蹒跚地避开危险的街道。前方的宾士一踩油门，立即愤恨不平地把散落一地的橘子压得稀烂。

我难过得望着被车轮碾过的橘子，不禁联想到小时候望着车窗外发呆的我。倘若拉风的跑车和时髦的衣衫体现得是生活的富裕和科技的发达，这一切换来得却是稀烂的水果和冷漠的眼神，人类的文明究竟是进步或是退步呢？是时候有人不再对着车窗发呆了！

我把我的车停到路旁，拔出了沉重的车钥匙，迈开大步赶上了提半篮水果。我微笑向她问好，她也还以和蔼可亲的笑容。我礼貌地接过水果篮，和老太婆一边谈话，一边把其余的大街走完。

我仿佛回到了课本中的旧相片里，但其中的街景却变得富丽堂华，更有魅力。我口袋里的车钥匙也不再沉重了。

* the love nest of him and her *

2005-12-22T06:04:00.000-08:00

A fun-filled, action packed event to party away all your worries and usher in 2006! The biggest bash in the West, it boasts an impressive lineup of exciting acts, from sizzling Mediacorp artistes Jeanette Aw, Felicia Chin and Jeff Wang, awesome cheerdance performances to ultra slick break-dances guaranteed to get your heart racing, and feet moving! There will also be a special appearance of Singapore's rising homegrown star - Ang Jun Yang! An excellent opportunity to catch Guest of Honour Mr Khaw Boon Wan in action, Countdown 2006 @ Boon Lay promises treats for everyone and anyone. Come join our party!

Special appearance by Ang Jun Yang @ 9:30PM !!!

Date : 31st December 2005
Time : 7:30pm to 1 am
Venue : Boon Lay Place

survival horror

2005-09-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

16-09-2005
9pm
I left my wallet outside council room and went into council room for an hour.

10pm
I came out and the wallet was stolen.
That was the point where my survival story started. Let's see the list of things inside my wallet:
Subject: Black Columbia Wallet
Content:
around $100
coins
ez-link card
library card
photocopying card
house keys
locker key (magnet)
cashcard
match support card
Above all, the owner of this wallet is alone in Singapore. Now I am really dead. I feel like someone stranded in the middle of nowhere. No money. No transportation. No idea.
First step to salvage the situation is to report this incident and erase the activities of my ez-link card and library card, before the thief abuse my rights.

10.15pm
I reported at the guard house and made my statements. Got scolded a bit by the guards (bloody hell). I asked for viewing of the surveillance tapes to catch the culprit and was told the surveillance camera was spoilt that day. (Great. No wonder all the gate climbers were not caught that day) I asked for the nearest police post and headed straight there.

10.45pm
Bishan neighborhood police post is just not around the neighborhood. There are no branch posts near RJC. Only the main branch at Bishan st 23, facing Catholic High, separated by a vast green field by the way. I made my statements to a friendly officier and it was 11:00pm. The officier was concerned about my safety and offered me a ride home, which was at the other end of the island. I gratefully took the offer, even though I have borrowed $20 from my friends. Can't afford to be anymore poorer.

11.30pm
The police car had left and I was finally standing in front of my house. However, it came to me that I cannot enter withoutmy keys. This is hilarious. It was close to mid-night then. I started laughing in front of my door step. Hahaz...hungey and tired, I fell asleep at my doorstep....

17-09-2005
7am
Neither did I sleep nor wake up well. Waited for my neighbour to wake up but found that my neighbor is not inside. Dunno where they disappeared to. Most probably overseas. Ok, great, I dunno anyone else around the neighborhood already. I decided to get my ez-link card done first so at least I can move around Singapore for help.

9am
Took a Taxi to Yishun which cost me $7.80. Got to the counter where I was told they no long provide card replacement service. I almost vomited when I was informed, just that I had an empty stomach. Got to know the nearest card replacement services are at Sembawang or Chua Chu Kang. Great. Since Sembawang station is only a stop away from Yishun, I walked.

11am
I arrived in Sembawang station under the warm morning sunshine. Found the card replacement counter and I presented my documents. He took those documents in and told me to come back tml. Why? There was an island-wide system break down. I took my documents back so that I can get my ez-link card replaced the folowing day at Chua Chu Kang. Went into the Sun Plaza nearby and had my meal, wondering where I should go now.

12pm
I decided to rest in Sun Plaza for the afternoon. Went in Sembawang library at the top floor and tried to studied for Prelim using library books. Maybe I tried too hard. Haiz....

5pm
Started walking back to Chua Chu Kang. $8 is bearly enough to take Taxi back.

9pm
I was back at my house. Found some scrap metal at the construction site below my house. After 1 hour of effort, I broke into my house. Hooray! (Need to buy new lock). Now I can shower and I have a bit more $$. And I have a bed to sleep.

18-09-2005
8am
Woke up and walked to Chua Chu Kang station. Chained my door up with a bicycle lock.

9am
I got my ez-link card replaced FINALLY. And I happily took LRT back home.

10am
I was back at my house. Collapsed on the ground....

I have a blog

2004-12-25T07:20:00.000-08:00

Yay! I have a blog